Everything I do is an attempt to find my place in the world, to answer the age-old question: Who am I?
Up until recently, my life was composed of three major areas. Marriage, Work, Motherhood. I didn’t start out that way, but that’s a discussion for another day…. On January 1st of this year, I was composed of Marriage, Work, Motherhood.
When Husband #2 left, a large majority of my world, and thereby my reason for being, disappeared.
For one, I was no longer in a Marriage, even separated, Husband #2 was continually telling me he wanted a divorce. We don’t live together. We barely correspond. It is much different from having him here every day. The Marriage part in my world went bye-bye.
With Husband #2’s departure, our business came to an end. I no longer ran a back office, met with clients, or had any sort of work to fill my day. And those of you who are self-employed know how much a business takes to run. You are in it 24/7. I didn’t have much free time outside of work until Pop! My Work disappeared.
Motherhood is the only component of my identity that remains. But with older kids, one in college, my time with them is coming to a close. They will all soon move out to start their own lives as young adults, finding their places in the world. I brought each of them home from the hospital with the idea that they were transient in my life…they are expected to be visitors who come back occasionally for some love but never stay for longer than the 18 years it took to raise them.
So the three foundation stones that have anchored my identity are gone, gone, and going fast.
I’m left with a large empty canvas and the question, who am I?
It’s a time for self-discovery.