While you’re busy preparing for your big delivery to all of the children of the world, may I ask that you please leave room in your sleigh for the things that divorced moms need? Divorced moms have already been through a lot and do so much to take care of their families. You have just the magic that it will take to brighten up so many lives and let them know how much they’re appreciated. What do you say, St. Nick? Do you have a little something to slip into our stockings?
Here’s my wish list, Santa, please see what you can do. All divorced moms could use:
A really good friend to laugh (and cry) with. We could all use a special someone who will listen without judgment, keep us focused on the positive, and see us through life’s rough patches.
A break. It’s not easy to carry the heavy load of “adulting” sometimes, so every now and then all of us divorced moms need the opportunity to leave our troubles behind and take some time to relax, unwind, and recharge our batteries. Sometimes we need someone to jump in and offer to give us a break, and other times we simply need a reminder that it’s okay to put our needs first every once in a while.
Patience. No one needs to tell us that we often have more than our fair share of drama from exes, baby mamas, lawyers, and the rumor mill. Maybe it’s thicker skin we really need to put up with the insensitivities and pot stirring of others as much as sheer patience to tolerate their antics.
A judgment free zone. We’ve had our fill of others acting like their noses belong in our business and thinking they know all about our faults and what’s best for us. We already know that no one’s perfect, and we may have made our share of mistakes; but, we also know that nobody but us knows the full extent of what we’ve been through or has the right to condemn our choices or place in life. If they’re not paying our bills, they don’t have a right to tell us how to live our lives- right?
A hearty dose of slack. Moms tend to be too critical of ourselves and overanalyze every decision and our fitness as parents and women. Enough already! We need to feel more confident in our abilities and be willing to forgive ourselves for our missteps along the way. Perhaps one of the biggest things we dish out the self-hate about is our divorce. We worry that our actions will ruin our children’s lives, we question and second guess the choices we make, and we beat ourselves up far too often. We need to realize that we do usually act with our hearts in the right place and for the right reasons!
An outlet for frustration. A voodoo doll would probably fit nicely in our stocking for those moments when our exes get the best of us; but, more often we just need a healthy way to channel all of or stress and emotions. Maybe a journal to write in, an art class, some new running shoes, or some craft supplies for therapeutic painting or beading are just what Kris Kringle would order to help us keep our sanity?
A second chance. For some, a second chance might be for love; but, most important is that we form a deep appreciation and respect for ourselves before ever thinking about moving on to the next romance. As hard as divorce is, we need your help to view it as an opportunity for renewal, to get to know ourselves again, to discover our strengths and what we need out of life, and to find our individual meaning of happiness.
A sense of humor. The ability to laugh or find the humor in a situation might be just what we need to survive some of life’s more frustrating or head scratching moments. Perhaps it’s the ability to say “thank you for reminding me why I divorced you” or to giggle with pleasure that a set of circumstances is no longer your circus to oversee. Hey, as long as we’re laughing, at least we’re not crying!
A big fat check. If it’s not too much to ask, we sure have a lot of bills left over from lawyers, establishing a new household, and managing a home on our own. It would be nice just to do something fun or frivolous for a change, let alone keeping on top of all of our responsibilities.
A heart open to magic again. Divorce can suck the life out of anyone who goes through it, so it can be easy to become bitter and lose touch with the lighter side of life. Help us to connect with our inner child again, find excuses to celebrate big and little moments, to see the beauty in the world around us, splash in a puddle, skinny dip, dance in the rain, giggle, and set out cookies to prepare for your arrival on Christmas Eve.
Thank you, Santa, for considering the special needs of divorced moms! Merry Christmas!