Hey, fellas. Want to know what gets a woman all hot and bothered and in the mood for loving? This is more than lingerie, talking dirty, and foreplay. Sure, if you follow my advice you can achieve all of that and probably more…I’m talking about what it takes to get a woman to the point where she’s interested in surrendering her physical being for all manner of sensual pleasures. Let’s back up several steps to where the seeds of passion are planted.
I’m not referring to a casual roll in the hay. I’m speaking of what it takes to keep the fire smoldering in a committed, long-term relationship. Most anyone can get in the sexual spirit in the early days of a relationship; but, what keeps a woman connected and interested as the years pass?
These are a few things to help you maintain a happy sex life (and her interest in you):
- Seduce her in the living room if you want her in the bedroom.
By and large, women want an emotional connection before they are interested in a physical connection. Whereas men are more apt to be ready to “get up and go” with little preparation or incentive, a female needs to feel loved and special to give up all the goods. We’re just wired that way.
This became a problem for me in my marriage. Over the years, I became preoccupied with work, taking care of the kids, and maintaining the house. It wasn’t like back in our dating days when it was possible to only focus on him. In turn, he made a habit of coming home from work and parking himself in front of the TV for the whole night, barely acknowledging my presence or saying a word.
I would crash after a long hard day, then he would stagger into our bedroom in the middle of the night thinking he could just crawl on top of me and we would have crazy, hot sex.
Wrong. First of all, I was unconscious most of the time when he made a move on me. (Tip #1: make sure your partner is actually aware of your presence.) What got me most was that after a night of ignoring me, he thought I would be primed for carnal adventures. (Tip #2: your partner should at least feel as though you give a damn about her outside of what she will do for you in bed.)
That was a mistake we made in our marriage. We lost focus on our connection and drifted apart. The moral of the story is that you can get the butterflies fluttering by giving her your attention, acting interested in her day and what she’s up to, willingly sharing your time with her, helping out around the house, sharing activities with her, and generally maintaining a solid connection. If she feels close to you in all other areas of life, she will also want to be close to you in the most intimate ways possible.
- Don’t make your attention only of the sexual nature.
In a similar vein to nurturing your relationship both in and outside of the bedroom, it’s important to seek contact with your partner for more than just getting yourself off.
It used to really piss me off when I was the invisible woman 95% of the time, then suddenly my ex would be extremely interested in me – but only to cop a feel or rub his junk on me as he walked by. How transparent is that? If you think she finds it hot to be treated like a no one until you’re horny, then maybe you need a girlfriend of the inflatable variety!
Yes, your partner wants to feel hot and desirable to you, but there’s a fine line between achieving that and making her feel like a piece of meat. Just think about the message you send and how much you interact with her (in a positive way) throughout the day about other topics. A playful butt grab is fun, but if you never hug her, hold her hand, rub her back a little, or give her an adoring kiss, then you make her feel like little more than a whore.
- Don’t keep sexual secrets.
I understand that many men enjoy porn. Men are programmed to seek erotic variety, especially in visual form. Ideally, a couple should enjoy their erotic interests connected to one another. If intimacy is solidly-established, it should not be difficult to share fantasies and preferences with your partner.
One need not have an affair with another actual person to cross the line in the relationship. If a couple decides to share erotica (or whatever they’re into) together, that is their business, and is at least an effort to do something together. It becomes a problem when one partner or another harbors sexual interests from their partner.
I learned that all those nights I collapsed after a full day of taking care of my family, my husband was staying up until the middle of the night cultivating a porn addiction. When I happened to catch him “engaged in his hobby”, I wasn’t so much offended or shocked as I was hurt because it made me feel as though I wasn’t good enough for him and because he didn’t choose to include me in his needs.
I couldn’t understand why he didn’t just interact with me during normal waking hours, talk to me, recognize my existence, and make me feel like I was more than the maid or his outlet for sexual energy? I was willing to give him anything he wanted as often as he liked. I didn’t think it was unreasonable to be present in our life as a couple and not be solely focused on his needs without ever caring about mine in return or only showing interest in me if he wanted some action.
Our wires were hopelessly crossed. No doubt he was frustrated that I didn’t give him what he wanted in the middle of the night (most likely after he was fired up from watching porn), and I was insulted that he only wanted to crawl on top of me when he wanted his needs met. Certainly not the ideal marriage!
Learn from my messed up situation! Everyone’s sexual needs are different, so you and your partner will have to lay out the guidelines of what emotional and physical needs you each have. What works in one relationship won’t necessarily work for another. Communication is key, respect is essential, and neither partner will be disappointed with attention or efforts to make the other feel special and wanted – in all ways!