Is it true that all married women become nagging, sloppy, and frigid? What’s the truth about what marriage does to women- and men?
Once a month I have a massive number of notes for my job that have to be typed up. It’s tedious torture, but a necessity. Fortunately, I’m allowed to complete this portion of my work from home. I make the task just a bit more bearable by binge-watching some shows on Netflix while wearing some comfy clothes and nibbling on snacks. Today I caught a very interesting quote from one of the shows I watched that got me thinking.
In the movie (Price Check), male co-workers were commiserating with one another about women and marriage, and one of the men made the comment that has been lodged in my brain:
“What’s the problem with marriage? Marriage turns women into wives. Women laugh at your jokes, dress nice, and suck your c#$%. Wives dress like slobs, always have a headache, and talk to you like you’re retarded!” (all his words, not mine!) Ouch!
As a woman, I know I should be insulted by these words. I mean, these dudes basically poured gasoline on the whole “women just become nags, get fat, and become frigid bitches” fire that’s been burning for ages. But, the question in my mind became “why is it that women and men (that’s right, I’m coming for you too, fellas!) seem to be spoiled by marriage?” It’s as though we were all fun, cool, and happy, then marriage made us into a bunch of crabby and miserable people!
So, let’s start with this notion of how the transformation from a woman to a wife makes her into an unbearable harpy.
I’m not going to lie, I’ve seen plenty of women I’ve known (and I can count myself in this) who went from sexy, confident, optimistic, charming, and full of life as single ladies, to tired, frumpy, irritable women who are lacking in the former pep and sparkle from their pre-marriage days.
Is it marriage itself? Is it some ruse we all play that starts with us putting on our best show to “catch a man,” then we let it all go as soon as we’re saddled by domesticity? I am more inclined to say that it’s just life. Life has a way of eroding the bounce in our step and twinkle in our eyes, and it happens in a very subtle way that takes us over before we even know what happened!
When we’re young, carefree and single, our problems are relatively few and minor and we’re not weighted down by as much responsibility or the drudgery that naturally accompanies marriage. Dating is all about fun, being on top of our game, looking our absolute best, and being the most charming and desirable person possible. Nobody’s really like that 100% of the time. Nobody.
So, then we get into a serious relationship, and we start to let down our guard with this person we’ve grown to love. We start hanging out together in our sweatpants. We let them see us without makeup. We begin to let all our flaws show and get as real as real can be with this person.
All this transparency and authenticity is what makes us feel so close and connected to our partner. No one else gets to see the raw parts of our being. It’s a privilege to have someone to let down our guard with and who will do the same for us! It’s part of what’s beautiful about togetherness.
A good marriage can be very rewarding; but, even the good ones come with mountains of bills, decisions, dirty laundry, and other everyday unpleasantries that begin to wear away the edges of the fun and carefree person we used to be. Our days in sweatpants might begin to outnumber our days in stilettos (at least at home, when we’re most often with our partner). Children, careers, and other responsibilities begin to take over our time and leach away energy from our partner.
It’s all the inevitability of adulthood, parenthood, and trying to have a house in a nice neighborhood that slowly morphs us all into less likable versions of ourselves. It’s a constant battle we must engage in to keep a fire lit between us and our spouse, to not become inflexible, bitter, or hardened with age and time, and to always hold onto a spark of that special glow that made us feel free and happy before we tied the knot.
So, fellas, the same goes for you! Don’t think that you’re immune from packing on the pounds, sprouting hair in disgusting places (while shedding it in others), and losing some of your former charms! Believe me when I say that the beer belly scratching, all night snore-a-thons and, symphony of bodily sounds are just as enticing as anything you accuse women of (not)!
Women grow tired of being ignored and treated like a maid, the endless football games on TV, and feeling like you only have time for us when you’re horny.
This street goes both ways! One side can’t be all critical of the faults of the other without recognizing some of their own. It’s kind of a chicken or the egg-type situation, though. Which came first, the wife feeling invisible, so she becomes less enthusiastic about sex or the husband who is tired of being told to pick up his socks, so he tunes out his wife in favor of the TV? Or was it the husband with a bad habit of leaving dirty dishes around who prompted his wife to use her mom voice (aka nagging) on him?
Husbands and wives are adults. Although they might also be parents, there is no need for a spouse to have to also serve as their mate’s mommy or daddy. Therefore, if everyone simply picks up after his or herself, then no one has to become frustrated and turn to nagging. If both partners continue to treat one another with attention, respect, and adoration, no one will be left feeling neglected or dissed.
As far as sex, I still subscribe to the notion that a woman will continue to respond physically when she feels emotionally connected. It’s a never-ending circle of related events. Loving treatment begets more loving treatment, and everyone’s happy! If you want a woman to remain interested sexually, then let her know she’s interesting outside the bedroom, as well.
Some of the complaints men and women have for one another are simply unfair.
Age is not something any of us will escape. Most of us will put on weight, some wrinkles, and gray hair as we age. Although we should try to take care of our bodies and still try to remain appealing to our partner, it’s unrealistic to expect our spouse to remain looking like a cover girl or Mr. February at all times.
Perhaps, what we all (men and women) need the most is a good dose of reality, patience, and a reminder to keep trying our hardest to be the best partner and to invest ourselves fully in the relationship. Relationships are hard work, and it’s easy to let ourselves, and a partnership slide as days go by. There’s often plenty of blame to go around in a bad marriage, and usually, it starts with a vicious cycle of allowing things to slip from both sides.
To those men who complain that their wives are letting them down, my question is “what have you done to make her feel special, beautiful, and loved lately?”
To the woman who is fed up with playing her husband’s mommy more than his wife, I would ask if she’s certain that he feels respected and like a man in his own home?
Some partners suck no matter how loving, attentive, and amazing their mate is; but, I speculate that there could be much less inter-gender mud slinging if each side cut the other a bit more slack, kept a good sense of humor, and didn’t automatically think the worst of the other. That right there might be some of the best divorce prevention ever!