The mind is a terrible thing
to waste. It can convince you of anything. And desperately wants to. It can convince you that you are telling the truth even when you’re not. That you are not in denial. That you’ve done what you had to do to survive. It cheers you on when it should be slapping you upside the head. It won’t quiet down, because quiet means death.
Everybody was happy!
So says Genius after our therapy session. For real. What am I supposed to do with that? How do I make headway with this man when he believes that he made everyone happy – me, the children, The Happy Dance Chick, himself? For the first time since the Pocket Call kicked off this whole journey I realized I was dealing with someone who was all mind and no soul, in my non-professional opinion. Sure, it was clear that he had been lying in dramatic fashion for months, but it hadn’t occurred to me that he was sans soul!
Genius’ mind was working overtime to convince him that he had done the right thing. That by having an affair – because I created a void in him that he had to fill – HE was making everyone happy. What a guy! How selfless!
He was proud of how he was able to lead a double life. Chest-puffed-out kind of proud. It made him feel like a man. When I looked at him I saw his body, and then I saw his Ego looming behind him, with a sick grin plastered on its bloated face.
I thought back to the night of the Pocket Call and how we spoke about closing on our new home the next morning. I had Power of Attorney to complete the transaction in his absence. He was speaking with our lender to make sure all the funds were in place, texting me to keep me posted on what I was to do the next day. All while sitting across the table from The Happy Dance Chick, sharing wine and getting ready to go rock each others world on their backs. And this was cool for the both of them? It didn’t feel completely dirty and gross?
Honestly, I can’t comprehend it. I cannot imagine being either one of them. Two people who are married with children, deciding that it’s good for the both of them to lie to their families, sip wine and gaze lovingly into each others eyes, while Genius prepares to buy a house with his wife, and The Happy Dance Chick bats her eyes at him adoringly, believing that he is her man.
He is all mind and no man. With a dead heart. And she is an idiot.
The Happy Dance Chick’s mind convinced her that even though Genius was lying daily to me and our children, he would never lie to her. Never. He was her man! Her mind concocted a fairytale that never took into consideration that the happy ending included her winning the prize of being with a liar who had no morals, no conscience and had put his family in a very precarious and dangerous position. But he’d never do anything like that to her. He loved her.
Genius’ mind convinced him that he was Big Man on Campus. A mover and a shaker who had been blessed with the good fortune of having a wife/nanny at home who took care of everything so he could be with his mistress. His mind convinced him that he deserved to have it all! He worked hard, damn it! He earned it. It was his right to “fill the void”. And he was going to do it the right way.
We played by the rules. We committed to never leave our spouses.
Clearly, by moving forward with the purchase of a new home for our family, he had no intention of giving up either one of us.
But that was about to change. Because, guess what! He wasn’t done lying. Even though his mind convinced him he was.