He guides me in all phases, both his and mine.
The moon hung low last night. A sliver, a sideways smile perched between two trees black against a softer ink colored sky. The trees held the moon in their cleavage, a heart shaped pillow for his crescent shaped head. My eyes strained to pull out the underdog stars, the ones who try to shine as bright as the lead stars, but are dimmed by city lights. By hustle and bustle. By life.
I love those underdog stars. They remind me of how I felt after discovering my former spouse’s infidelity. Like I was about to be swallowed up the dark, by the night sky, never to be seen or felt or touched or loved again.
I stood in the middle of the Calmmune while a coyote howled, far too close for most. The smile in the sky couldn’t light up the land around me. Where was he, I wondered.
What if he walked up to me and sat down? What if he opened his mouth and shared with me the secrets of the Universe?
That would be so utterly cool. I’d plop down and start asking questions. Then I’d ask him to move in with me. Then I’d make him promise not to eat the cat.
Back to the stars…
What if, right now, the tinniest ones ran right by the brightest ones and became the shiniest stars in the sky?
The whole sky would giggle.
What if the moon sees me?
As a crescent, he smiles. As a full moon he opens his mouth wide in wonder at my courage or brazen choices or naïve thoughts. As a new moon he quietly hides so I can gather myself and decide what is most important for me to do right now. Then he smiles again at my wild ideas.
What if I created my former spouse’s affair?
What if his affair was one of the key plot twists in my life story, a perfectly placed page-turner?
Well, it could be said, then that I don’t shy away from dramatic crescendos. Why would I? Souls aren’t afraid. Of anything.
What if every time I felt a pang of fear I stopped and smiled?
Fear would have a hard time keeping up its facade. The Ego would scowl and clench fists – Damn, she really is on to me!
What if I don’t slow down now? What if I get more courageous, more adventurous, more spontaneous, more willing to take bigger risks with greater rewards and a more profound impact on our emotional evolution?
I will get people to pause before having an affair. Maybe even get them to have a conversation before cheating on their spouse and betraying their family.
You can see I relish playing the game of What If?
It’s changed the way I experience life – made it more exciting, less scary, super fascinating and very interactive.
The only challenge with this game is that I’ve had to play it alone this entire time. Wouldn’t it be fun if we could play What If? together?
It’s your turn.
Finish the thought and don’t keep me in suspense – tell me the outcome. Please.
There should be a prize, though, right? I mean, beyond discovering that you really are creating your perfect present moment with each choice you make. And that by playing What If? you see just how many possible combinations of magic you can spin out of your experiences here on the planet.
But prizes are delicious. So…
How about for the What If? which causes me to pause and ponder the longest, requiring me to write a post about it, the Kitten of Record wins FREE admission to Spinning Magic out of Infidelity and Divorce. We’ve got a half-dozen kittens coming, some from far away. There will be about 12 shining stars ultimately. I aim to send them back out into the Universe having run past the flashiest stars to shine from inner glow alone, more brightly than ever before. Brighter than anything in our sky.
If you can’t get to San Francisco on November 8th, I’ll pick a few profound What If? creators to join us for an eight-week online gathering beginning the week of January 12th, 2015, where we’ll absorb the lessons from the key choices I made in the first year after discovering infidelity that were absolute Magic Moves, leading me to right here, right now.
What If? you came to San Francisco? What If?