The other day, I was talking to my friend, Mary. She’s been divorced for a while and is a single mom. She said that she just realized that she’s forgotten how to laugh and have fun.
Since her divorce, she’s been so focused on her career and raising her son that she’s gotten lost in it all. “Where the heck is my mojo?” she lamented.
My response was, “It’s there, Mary! You just have to find it.” (Come to think of it, I had to find it, too.)
Post split, it’s important to find the new you. You know… change things up, create a new life, start from scratch. It can be painful and overwhelming but it can also be incredibly exhilarating. You just have to work at it a little. The good news is that this kind of work can actually be very fun.
So here are some ideas on finding the new, amazing, fun and fearless you that’s lurking beneath the surface.
Start with the hair:
A new hairstyle is a great place to start. In fact, a color and cut can make you look radically different. Since my split, my hair went from long, brown and straight to shoulder-length, blonder, and curlier. I look different than I did when I was married. And, at least in my opinion, that’s a good thing. I’m a very different person than I was back then! Decide what message you want to convey to the world. Is it bold and strong? Or fun and whimsical? Or sassy? Whatever it is, let your hair reflect that.
Pick a new bedtime routine:
Now that you get to decide when and how you go to bed, pick a whole new schedule. Go to bed later or earlier. Take a bath before falling asleep. Read your favorite book as late as you want. Or, sheesh, fall asleep with the TV on if you want.
Pitch the visual reminders:
If there are certain things in your home or workspace that remind you of your ex, get rid of them. Like yesterday already. Photos, décor, linens… They all need to go in the trash. Put out things that make you happy. Maybe it’s deliciously smelling candles or photos of a girls’ night out or new sheets. Make your home a place of peace and joy. For me, I’ve been slowly transforming my home into the shabby chic vintage look that I’ve always loved. Slowly it’s becoming “me” and it’s awesome. It all started with beautiful high threadcount sheets, a new comforter cover, and a vivid purple throw pillow.
Pick a new wardrobe:
So most of us live on a budget so I’m not advocating tossing out all your clothes and starting from scratch. But start transforming your attire into something different and new every time you can. Add a scarf or a fun peace of costume jewelry. Even a hat can help. I used to dress very conservatively. But since my divorce, I dress more fun, casual and trendy. I shop at different stores. And most everything I purchase is colorful. I’ve found the bright hues lift my spirits and reflect the person I’ve become— someone who is happier, more peaceful, an positive.
Try new makeup:
After my split, I went on a girls’ weekend retreat in Las Vegas and spent a small fortune on getting my makeup professionally done. I learned some new and fresh techniques, which I use most every day now. It provided a great pick-me-up.
Develop new traditions
Begin making new memories and creating your own unique traditions. My ex and I used to frequent specific restaurants and take the same types of vacations and cook certain foods. Since the divorce, I avoid anything that reminds me of that old life. I’ve discovered new cuisine that I love and when it’s time for a trip, I select things that my ex would never have gone along with. I try new recipes (not all turn out like I want) and even do different things for entertainment. I tried yoga and discovered that I love it. I hike. I explore nature, visit museums and take cooking classes. It’s all different and new and fresh. I started new trends from scratch and guess what? I like them far better.
Buy new lingerie
Nothing helps you feel sexier than wearing beautiful bras and panties. So if you haven’t splurged a little and your favorite lingerie store, it’s time you did. It doesn’t matter if no one sees it but you.
Pick a new TV show
Try finding a new TV show that you’ve never watched and one in which your ex would have hated. In fact, pick a few. You can even make your new TV shows part of your bedtime routine. Get lost in new and interesting characters and storylines. If anything, it’ll help keep your mind off of post-divorce blues.
Divorce is awful and traumatic. It takes a long time to heal. But changing things up visually helps with the long slow process of “moving on” emotionally.