Many women think their ex is Satan. And maybe he is. But my ex is a special evil kind of man. The lowest of the low. A liar. A bully. And a drunk. When I got a cancer diagnosis, he literally spit in my face. He is so disgusting, there are truly no words.
When my ex (Rob the Great [Alcoholic]) and I split, he vanished from our two daughters’ lives. I mean, he totally disappeared– no birthday cards, phone calls or texts. He literally shattered their hearts. They didn’t understand why. They blamed themselves. It was HORRIBLE. For four years, silence. He blamed it on my blog but this man vanished some 10 months before I wrote a single word about him.
And then, out of the blue, in February he started calling and texting the girls almost every day. We were all stunned. Why now? What was his motive? My oldest was very guarded in her communication with him, terrified he would just vanish again. Eventually, though, they started warming up to him.
A few months later, he invited our oldest daughter, “Mo”, to visit him for five days in San Diego and he offered to pay her flight and all their activities. It was a scary but exciting invite but we said yes. I was truly supportive of their rebuilding their relationship.
About a week before Mo’s departure, Rob started texting me with all kinds of bizarre demands, which I will detail later. All of these demands included “if you don’t do xyz, I will cut the girls out of my life again.” One “request” included my putting in writing that I would end my friendship with his ex wife, Tina (we are great friends), and his two daughters until HE decided I could have a relationship with them again.
Say what? What are we, ten years old? Hell no, I would NOT agree to that because The Drunk does NOT dictate my adult friendships. Another request required Mo helping perpetuate a Big Huge Myth of Rob’s real living situation. Those details I will write about later, too. I told Mo that we don’t lie or help others lie- ever – and she could say and do anything that was in her good judgement regardless of what Rob was demanding.
All this aside, I was as nice and accommodating with Rob as I could be. I thanked him. I told him how happy Mo was. I did not want to trigger a Rob explosion because, trust me, they are bizarre and frightening. I even fantasized that maybe Rob and I could maintain a decent relationship for the girls’ sake. Maybe this was a whole new dynamic and we could do this. We could be adults, move forward. Rainbows and flowers. One could hope, right?
And so in July, I dropped off Mo at the airport, excited, nervous and hopeful. Turns out, her visit over the next few days with Rob will leave any sane adult gasping. And I will write about that in a separate article, too. Let’s just say that Rob’s behavior during Mo’s visit was so over-the-top inappropriate that it defies logic. Well, unless one is a full blown alcoholic, in which case anything is possible.
Thank goodness Mo made it home safely. She had guardian angels on her shoulders, no doubt. A few weeks later, I took the girls and Rob’s daughter, Kelly, to New Orleans. We had a blast, us four girls. I love Rob’s daughters and his ex wife. I am so grateful and blessed that there is no drama or hatred between any of us. I cannot say the same is true with Rob and his relationships with, well, anyone and everyone. His many “friends” are surface friends. Because he hides his horrific behavior well and when the few of us who really get to know him meet that real Rob, it is one horrible experience.
So flashing back to a few nights ago. I was in Seattle for a consult with a top-notch oncologist. I have relapsed multiple myeloma and I am desperately trying to find a clinical trial. I was in my beautiful hotel room that overlooked the ocean and getting ready to call it a night. And then the texts from Rob started coming, one after the next. I looked at the clock. From the tone of the texts, the sheer stupidity of their content, and the time of day, I knew he was drunk.
His texts were mean and threatening. I will share all of them in future articles but one of them included threatening me with a lawsuit. A lawsuit for what? I asked. He said “the horrible things I have written about his family.” Um, I have written only what his mother said about me when I was first diagnosed with cancer: That I was a princess who deserved to get cancer. Well, let me say that you can’t sue for speaking truth and she really said that.
And then he said that I had two choices: concentrate of my health and family during this difficult time in my life (cancer relapse) or a lawsuit. He also said he recorded private conversations with Mo and he was going to give them to me. Ok, fucking drunk: You cannot record someone in the State of California without their consent and a minor cannot give consent. Oh my gosh, like I said, Rob the Great (Alcoholic) is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
So here is my open letter to the drunk bully, my ex husband:
Your days of bullying and terrorizing me have ended. I am not afraid of you. Because of my health struggles, you thought you smelled blood in the water like the shark you are. You thought you smelled weakness. You thought that NOW was the time to strike, when I was sick and down. Well think again, you disgusting piece of shit. I welcome a lawsuit. You need to prove I lied and every single word I’ve typed is truth and I have texts and emails to prove it. So sue away. And don’t EVER think that using CHILDREN to bully me will ever work. It will backfire in your face. See you in court, I look forward to it. Oh wait, you are a coward. That lawsuit will never come and, if it does, you are dumber than I thought.