I was reading an article written with a similar title and the message was loud and clear that NO a leopard can NOT change its spots. In other words, dead beats, assholes, cheaters, sociopaths, and narcissistic humans can NOT change.
I agree 100% that those types of people cannot and will not change. I believe whole heartedly that “normal” (hate that word, what is normal anyway?) can and do change all the time. I know that for myself, I try to change a little every day with the hope the change is a positive one.
For some reason, even though I wasn’t in love with my husband for the last few years of our marriage I still get bothered that he is still with his mistress. I have conjured up this vision of the two of them madly in love, taking in each word the other says, having hot sex every day. But, and there’s a big but, I then come back to reality and remind myself that these are two severely damaged individuals, who met on a dating site specifically for married men and women to have an affair. Why do I think these two will ride off into the sunset madly in love for the next 50 years?
Why do I have some delusional notion that my ex will become this perfect man who’s giving, thoughtful, a good listener, and all around great guy? Perhaps because that is who he was when I first met him. I never in a million years thought he would do what he did to our family. Now, I truly believe he was a dirt bag all along and maybe for a few years tried to be good, but a person with sociopathic tendencies just can’t change for the long haul.
When I go to that place where I feel insecure and jealous that he has someone and I don’t, I have to remind myself that I didn’t want to be with him when I was married to him, why do I care who he’s with now?
I do know if that this lucky lady gets a man that has been married 3 times, has 2 baby mamas, has horrible listening skills who will either not respond to what someone else talks to him about, or rudely interrupts mid-sentence. This is a person who micro manages their partner’s every move. What pot to use when cooking dinner, how to load a dishwasher properly, and what weekend activities he will agree to partake in. And the best is that this lucky lady gets to have a partner who is a compulsive liar who I’m sure is feeding her a bunch of bullshit about how she will be lucky wife #4 and offering her visions of riding off into the sunset.
What does my ex get in return? A partner who used to be morbidly obese, has major self-esteem issues, had cyber stalked me all throughout their affair, cusses in front of and at her kids (according to my ex), not to mention is really, really ugly. (I’m not just saying that, everyone I know who has either seen her in person or seen a pic has agreed.) This is a woman who, according to our divorce decree can have zero overnight visits when my daughter is around. Before that there was a 6 month stipulation that she was to have zero contact with my daughter.
So, I would have to say that karma is unfolding as it always does…..Just being together is their karma. They both actually deserve one another. I’m going to sit back, pop some popcorn and enjoy the implosion.