For the very few people that know about our situation, we get a lot of Frequently Asked Questions. I think they are fair, since we are still navigating this road, and have the same concerns.
1. What do the kids say, about you living in separate rooms?
Best and most common concern. The day my ex decided it was over, I took it quite hard. Even though it was I who initiated the conversation, and I who wanted the same thing, I lost my shit and moved to the basement. For the first few nights the kids didn’t even notice as they live in their own selfish world. And then the youngest asked. I hadn’t even prepared an answer. I told them that mommy was having hot flashes (not untrue) and that Daddy was too warm to sleep next to (he is an actual furnace.) That satisfied them. For fun I added that Daddy snores, so he wasn’t coming across as perfect.
2. Isn’t it hard to see each other every day?
No, it would be harder not to see him (he may say different…) We are truly best friends. He is the only one besides me that I want raising the kids. If he wasn’t here my work would be ten times harder. I don’t want to be a single parent, with three kids, running a household on my own. I am too lazy. Plus he and I process our separation together and it helps up navigate this unique arrangement.
3. What if one of you dates someone else?
Well, this is simple. I am allowed to date, he isn’t.
Just kidding (sort of.) I have gone on some dates, just to get out of the house, get on with things, see if I still have it. Nothing serious has even come of it. I don’t even know if I would want to add that to my life right now. We still need to hammer out the details of this, but right now neither of us is truly in a space to be present for someone else. We are both using this separation as a gift to heal ourselves, and not take responsibility for the other person’s happiness.
Of course when and if the time comes, we would likely keep all dating out of this house, for obvious reasons. If either of us found our next true love, then we would sit down and figure it out, like we have everything else.
4. Don’t you think you will get back together and just need space?
I don’t know. It’s been seven months, which isn’t a long time I know. But. Neither of us has that goal in mind. We are simply recreating our family unit. We never want to go back to what it was. If our separation heals us and we find each other again, great. But I think we both have serious doubts, and that’s O.K.
Those are the top questions. As we tell more people, I am SURE other concerns will pop up. Until then we honestly live it out One day at a Time. Cheesy I know, but it works.