I’ve only told a handful of people that my marriage is over. Like I would, they ask, when did you know it was over? The truth is, your head always knows first, your heart last.
We both lost track of our marriage. It wasn’t just one of us. My husband was a very busy man, building a business. I was building our children. We took for granted that we would always be there for each other. We did nothing to fuel our fire. We just kept shoving our relationship needs to the back burner.
We certainly didn’t have a lot of time to relax and enjoy each other. We are still in a lot of debt and it always feels like we are living pay check to pay check.
I was a stay at home mom. Without a husband around it gets lonely. Now he was always around, he is an amazing dad. But he was tired, and he was worn. So was I. He was showing us love by working hard to keep our house and food on the table. We sacrificed my work so our kids had a home to be at and not daycare.
The years actually pass quickly in the mode of living. Because before you know it, the kids are all in school and you are back to work and you don’t recognize your spouse. Resentment had already built into both our hearts. Mine for being lonely and feeling ignored. His for me not getting that he was providing so much for us. I complained a lot. He just took it.
By the time we got to counselling, I think we were doing it out of duty. We had survived a lot together, because we aren’t quitters. We tried several months of therapy. It seemed hopeful. Things got better. But in hindsight there was not a lot in us to keep the happy going.
Once we admitted to each other that it was done, there was a huge sense of relief that both of us were on the same page and ready to be done with the marriage. But we weren’t done parenting or being friends.
Financially we can’t afford two spaces to live in. And neither of us can imagine not seeing our kids everyday. So we had to swallow some pride, let our egos go and promise to stick it out together. So far so good. We are able to joke about our situation. We have stopped yelling and crying. We rarely see each other as usual, so it’s not like we are in each others face.
It’s not perfect by any means, but it’s our story and our version of a family. There will be humps and bumps for sure. And we have kids. We know it’s a day by day plan, but we do it.
Oh, so how did I know for sure it was over? This Christmas, in my stocking he gave me a twelve pack of razors. From the Dollar Store. Nothing says love like, here, enjoy all the rashes you will get from these dull, shitty razors. I keep them on my dresser as a reminder that he’s not that into me anymore.