Happy New Year!
I don’t typically make resolutions. Simply because I forget about a week after I make them. Work and family gets in the way. I am sure everyone can relate.
My only resolution is to write more. I started this blog to have a place to get my feelings, frustrations and emotions about my divorce out of my head. I really slacked on this in 2014. So my goal is to write a blog entry at least twice a week. There I said it, so now I must do it.
So the holidays. If I had to describe it this year in one word I would say it was difficult. And not just because we are still not divorced, it was difficult on many levels.
1. Sharing my kids with someone I don’t want to be near is difficult. Sharing them for Christmas is a nightmare. I just had to accept that no arrangement would ever be “fair” (to quote their dad) at least not an arrangement made by a sane person and a narcissist. To make a long story short, I wanted what was fair to the kids. He wanted what was fair to him.
2. I can no longer afford to give my kids everything they want plus a few things they didn’t even know they wanted. This was an incredibly difficult realization. To be honest I couldn’t really afford to do this before but I always did anyway. I though having half of Toys R Us under the tree meant I was great mother and wife. I was able to give our kids everything their dad never had growing up.
3. Taking 2 weeks vacation while your kids are out of school is difficult. I am not used to being home with them full time. I am around they are more needy than they are for their dad. A habit we need to break.
4. Bubba’s anxiety was bad the last 2 weeks. The change in routine is too much for him. He doesn’t like not knowing what will happen from day to day. I don’t think he got a moments rest.
This was only the difficult. There were some truly amazing things too.
1. My sister took my kids shopping for me. Their dad has always bought gifts and put the kids names on them, this way he could ensure they were “the perfect gifts”. My sister, set her OCD aside, and let my kids pick gifts that wanted to give me. It was an amazing feeling and I don’t think I properly thanked her. I am not sure if she reads this or not. I guess I better call her.
2. I don’t have to give my kids everything they want, plus…I have an amazing family, parents, sister and brother in law, aunts and uncles and family friends. All of these people came baring gifts that truly made Christmas wonderful for my kids. My kids are loved more than they know. I don’t think I was truly able to get past my feelings of “not having enough” but having these people in our lives really helped with that. I was able however to surprise my kids by buying them new bikes this year, and the look on their faces was priceless. They had no idea and they were totally shocked. My only regret was not capturing it with my camera.
3. My 2 weeks of vacation wasn’t difficult because of my kids really. I had decided (read here: I was forced into) some remodeling, deep cleaning and purging. I wasn’t really forced. I am kidding mom 🙂 I have very little time for these kinds of jobs while I am working. So it makes sense to tackle them while I have the time. Plus the purging and deep cleaning will make things easier once I am back to work. My kids wanted to hang out. And by hang out I mean not help paint or clean.
4. The boys and I have awesome bedrooms now thanks to my parents. I am really lucky to have them to help me out in so many ways.
So I guess the holidays weren’t so bad after all. I mean Christmas is only one day and the next we were getting back to normal. I just hope that this new normal gets easier every year.