I do not like Halloween. I don’t know if this is something I have developed as an adult or if I didn’t like it as a kid, I will have to ask my mom. I don’t like scary movies, I binge eat way too much candy, and I don’t see the point in spending money on a costume to run around in the rain for 3 hours begging strangers for candy.
I could spend 1/4 of the money I spent on costumes, on candy and sit on my couch and eat said candy. Sounds lovely to me. (or not buy candy and buy carrots instead, but where is the fun in that?)
This leads me to my real trick or treat story. And its a total trick, there is no treat in this story. So my kids’ dad (I need to think of an anonymous name for him, but right now they all involve swear words) came to get them this morning. The exchange is always so stressful. I don’t want him here in the house, so I am anxious, the kids are edgy, and he is an ass. And this morning the older boy (lets call him Bubba) doesn’t feel well. He has a raging sore throat. So now my mama’s boy has to leave when he wants me the most, and I have to work today.
He is of course 1/2 an hour early. He is never on time for anything. He has never been early in his entire life. Except for exchange day. All of a sudden he has figured out how time works?? (Imagine me rolling my eyes, because I am.) He shows up with a coffee and a donut for me. A donut. I have diabetes. I should not be eating donuts. Ever. He knows this, it is not new. It just goes to show how little he cares about me or my health. The coffee was also wrong because after 13 yrs of marriage he still doesn’t know how I drink my coffee. Just cream. No sugar. I am not a complicated woman. (I am also trying to work this Paleo diet, donuts are not Paleo, I am sure he doesn’t even know what Paleo means and I don’t have the energy to explain it to him.) Maybe I can hire a caveman to club him over the head??
Instead of causing an argument about the donut I offer it to the younger boy, lets call him Denver (big Broncos fan) of course this sets him off. He has donuts in the car for them (what the bloody hell with these donuts!!) fine I take a bite of the freaking donut. He’s happy. Amen.
He is dancing around in the kitchen like he wants to talk to me about something. I am trying to get ready for work and get the boys ready to go. So we can all go. Out of the house. He finally asks me if I am seeing someone. I look at him and old me starts to say, “Of course not,” but new me says, “No, and that is none of your business.” He demands I tell him where I was and what I did on Friday. again old me starts rattling off everything I did that day. New me says, “wWhy are you asking this?” He tells me that someone who works in the same store as him says they saw me in Walmart with a guy.
Well I was in Walmart, but alone. I hate people. Really?? I was alone. I returned a few items, and left, because the refrigerator repair guy was waiting at my house for me. (Its a glamorous life, don’t hate.) I assure him that I am not seeing anyone, but if I was it wasn’t his business.
He changes the subject to his mom (essentially this is changing the subject back to him). He says she wanted him to tell me she said hi. I said oh next time you see her tell her I said hi. He is so twisted. He says, “Oh I will tell her when I get home, she is at my house staying with me.” If I cared I might have smacked the cocky smirk off his face.
It’s not okay for me to be at Walmart with “a guy” but its okay to throw it in my face that his mom is staying at his house, while he is living with someone else. I always liked his mom and got along well with her. I even invited her to stay at our house last Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter (while we were divorcing mind you. But I did it for him). but it was “too uncomfortable.” Not uncomfortable at all that he is living with someone else I guess…
So this is my Halloween Trick. It’s not a treat to see him, it’s not a treat to talk to him. I can’t imagine a day that it will be. He will never change. I feel like I hold back from what I really want to say because of the kids. Because he will cause a scene in front of them. And then blame it on me. He blames everything on me. Nothing bad or wrong in his life is ever his fault. I know he has no control over me, I keep telling myself this. My mom keeps telling me this. But sometimes it is easier to give in and give him the answers that he wants, but of course this is the bullying cycle all over again. It seems I fall for it every time. I long for a day when I can tell him to get out of my house (unfortunately it is still technically his house too). Or for the day when I can tell him to leave me alone. I could do that now, but I am afraid my kids will get caught in the crossfire. I know they will.
I am glad Halloween is over. No more scary movies. I am almost ready to dump this candy (wait one more peanut butter cup!!). I am glad I don’t have to see him again until Wednesday, when he is sure to be running late for work, so he might slow down whilst tossing Bubba and Denver from the car. Geez I can’t wait for those boys to get home.