Halloween can be a hectic time for all families, but divorced and single moms can get an extra dose of stress. What with off the rack not cutting it these days (thanks, Pinterest). While the temptation may be to go sexy, maybe honesty is the best policy for both your dignity and your budget. Using materials left over from your messy divorce, you too can create an original Halloween costume sure to make you the talk of the neighborhood! Assuming, of course, they weren’t already talking about you.
A Giant, Soul-Eating, Savings-Sucking Pile of Legal Bills
Sure to terrify every adult on your trick or treat route, this terrifying costume simply involves covering yourself head to toe in all off the legal bills and receipts saved for your divorce and subsequent trips to court. For extra terror be sure to prominently feature all those bills for when you called your attorney for a quick question and got billed for a quarter of an hour. The horror! (Note: May not scare attorneys)
Pop on a suit and steal some vampire fangs- to represent how their endless forms and inquiries are sucking you dry, and you’re good to go.
Nothing says divorce like having to lose your family life AND your home! Re-purpose your moving day boxes into a big, messy pile of them all around your body using the largest to cover you from shoulders to knees. You’ll feel oddly at home as you escort your kids down your brand new block.
Frumpy Ex Wife
Nothing makes you feel worse than seeing your ex-beau’s new love who, of course, is perfectly coiffed, manicured and tailored within an inch of her high maintenance life. (Having no kids will allow you to be that way). Put on your favorite stretchy pants, that stained t-shirt, socks with sandals and let your hangnails fly free, girlfriend. Holy hell you’re scary now.
He’s crying poor and you’ve got mouths to feed. Cover yourself in some day old loaves (budget saver!) and Monopoly money. You’re the breadwinner now.
Your Dating Profile Picture
Pile on some make-up. Then pile on some more. Put on a deep cut blouse and create some flattering light (hope for a full moon to cast a lovely glow). Dry your hair all the way and maybe use a brush. Smile big. Look! You’re not even recognizable as yourself! You’re a completely different, well-groomed, high-functioning person, even in the immediate wake of an ugly divorce! Boom.
Your Former Friends
You lost a few in the divorce. NBD. Recreate the awkwardness by dressing like your peer group, not making eye contact with anyone the entire night and speaking in a stage whisper if you’re forced to interact.
Fuck It Mom
You don’t need to impress anyone. Dress however you want and pour yourself some adult beverage into a Solo cup for the evening. Confidence is terrifying to the easily threatened. Boo.