Back to school… it’s here again…. Summer always flies, while the long snowy winters drag on intolerably. For me, it’s not the Staples commercial that harkens ” They’re going baaaaaack”, as children with long faces drag through the stores selecting school supplies, and the parents dance through the aisles.
I love the down time with my kids… I love the lack of order and direction and ice cream runs at 11PM. Sure! You want a chocolate shake?? I could really enjoy some lemon lime ices…
Summer. Not a lover of the heat, and still wrestling with the amount of skin to show on my “mom bod”, it’s SUMMER… no homework, no book bags, and for the most part, minimal scheduling concerns.
In marches September, and I must emerge from my 3 months of hiding.
I can’t speak for your town, but in my own, the summer in this affluent town sends most kids to sleep-away camp, and families away on vacation, or summer homes or close by beach houses.
I see almost no one that I do not want to see… ( Yes, a little bragging there). But that peace is about to end as people emerge from their self-selected escapes, and sadly for me, re-emerge into my life.
I am a loner, no doubt, but it’s more than that. It is the lack of desire to engage in other people’s tans, vacation braids that make a few too many Bo Derek wannabes in my day and family photos that remind me of my own loneliness.
Fall used to be the hopeful time of sharpened pencils and new teachers. Sadly, it is also the time to re-engage with the world, and face all that I avoided during the summer.
It is, of course, part of the circle of life. But as the tans of others fade, I find myself making promises to myself for next summer, and how I am going to spend the summer accomplishing goals that make me proud. Not one to throw in the towel, but also one who stopped making New Year’s Resolutions long ago, I am stepping up my game and changing my approach.
I am truly tired of these pre-back to school fears, so I am stepping up my game. For me, Summer has turned into a time of hiding, rather than enjoying the summer. Issues of weight and loneliness and finances keep me from enjoying what summer should be.
This year, my perspective is new. Having spent the summer in school, I am hopeful of my new career goals, but beyond that, I have some very clear personal goals, and I must begin them now. I will no longer ( hopefully) kick myself in June, for the time wasted in the winter. My goal is small attainable goals, clearly posted and marked in my planner.
The checklist; I live by it, so I am going to learn a new way to employ it.
I have spent so much time being angry at myself for letting time drift under my feet; life is passing me by, and I need to get back on the horse.
My specific goals are not really important; we all have our own. But I can tell you that each goal begins with bringing myself Joy. For that reason, I am jumping on the internet craze and reading The KonMari Method. From the kitchen cabinets to every piece of clothing that I own, the goal is to restore order and joy, which sounds like a good place to begin.
Sadly, during the past decade, I have lost the importance of bringing joy to my own life, and I fight feelings of anger and being wronged. Days melt into weeks, and tomorrow it will be done, has become the mantra. No more.
Summer and hiding are over. Fall is here, and I need to show myself steps of progress by the new year. I owe it to myself.
Summer is gone. It’s a new year for my kids and for me. They have their homework, and I have mine.