New, Unchartered Territories… Preparing for Thanksgiving with my scattered, broken family.
Married, I felt like the lady of the house. Single mother, with all my kids at home, I retained a healthy control. We usually managed the holidays by talking about alternating them. When the time actually came, the kids wanted to stay with me, and he never asked. I haven’t even considered what he will want this year. I stopped asking when I learned that he didn’t care enough to ask. They are all old enough to plan otherwise if they want to do so.
Maybe he didn’t care. Maybe he knew I was alone and was being kind. Maybe he didn’t want to feel rejection if the kids told him that they preferred to stay at home.
This year, I am dealing with some new issues… My middle child has moved away to University, and my oldest is living with his GF. They are engaged now. It has gone to her head. She has stepped into the role I had. At least, this is how it seems. As my kids grow, and I care less about the formalities of china and linens, she is preparing for her future – a future with my son.
My feelings are still mixed.
They are young; she is pushy. He is almost too willing to go from my home to hers… theirs. He never had time to grow on his own. He went from one caregiver to another. He says they work everything out together. I worry a lot about that lately. It seems that she wears the pants in that soon to be family. I worry. Maybe he needs that; I don’t know. Maybe it’s a good thing.
Maybe I am jealous that I have never accomplished what they have… I hope it lasts. I want him, them to be happy. He has allergies; she sneezes. It’s really how it should be.
I still worry. Maybe I have no right to give or think about advice I would like to give. Twice divorced. Maybe I suck at relationships.
So she will make the turkey and bring it to my house. Their apartment is not large enough for them to change their mind. One mind.
I will make the cranberry sauce… no cans. Only home made is good enough. I will make Stuffing and roasted chestnuts… mashed potatoes and sweet potato pie with lots of marshmallows on top.
I will also make a pot of chicken soup for my returning son. He does not like turkey, and misses a good old fashioned pot of chicken soup with noodles. Nothing fancy for him… I hope he finds someone who will love him and all his curious ways… I wonder if he thinks that when he looks at his brother and his soon to be sister in law.
We think the same way; I bet he has those thoughts. I am not sure that he sees himself as lovable. I never did either, so that worries me. Over the years, I have learned that you have to love yourself first. I am not there yet, but I’m working on it. I hope he gets there before I do.
My youngest has a boyfriend… Thankfully, I don’t need to invite him to Thanksgiving dinner. They are only 13. I think she is afraid to tell me. They don’t go anywhere… they hold hands at school. I read her phone, so I know what’s up. It’s essential these days. I found the sweetest picture of him pushing her on a tire swing in the playground at school. Young love. Innocent. I see why she likes him. He looks smart… with glasses and dark hair. I always liked the intelligent ones. I still do.
So, I will teach my oldest son how to carve the turkey. It is my house, but he is the man. I am happy to step back to find my new place, and let everyone grow into their new ones too.