Divorce has made me… to quote Daft Punk and well, I suppose Kanye West… “Harder, Better, Stronger, Faster”.
While I don’t recommend divorce as a form of self-help, entertainment, or as a cure-all, the upside is if you have to go through it, it can lead to character building. I know you’re probably thinking, “I have plenty of
I know you’re probably thinking, “I have plenty of character already, thanks”. Eh, one never knows what they are capable of, without going through trying times or being pushed. I know that just staying in bed seems like a far better option…
I have no idea what my life would be like if I was still married. Maybe I’d been financially stable but maybe I’d still be living in an emotionally unstable household wondering when my husband was going to come home drunk and annoying or verbally abusive. Who knows? I’m guessing my kids would be really screwed up if the house was still emotionally unstable, I do know that. No thanks.
Anyway, I can tell you what it’s been like now that I’m not married. Um, well it’s been really hard. Bitch, please… it was down right horrific at times. Now, that doesn’t mean it will be or is for you. You may have an ex that pays you and gave you a great settlement and left you with a house and takes the kids half the time. Bully for you! It can still be challenging in that you need to figure out how to do things in the moment, on your own, and how to be your own person again and not always be “a couple”. That’s harder for some than others.
Good news is… you will learn how not to fall apart at every little thing that happens in life! (hopefully) Please don’t be the one that still has to run back to the ex to be rescued all the time! Learn from this, grow from it. You will be better and you’ll be teaching your kids how to solve their own problems as well. Who wants a kid (or adult) that cries every time the restaurant gets a food order wrong? Suck it up! Life ain’t perfect! Other downsides you can turn into upsides…
You will get lonely at times. That I can guarantee, unless you are super human. However, you will learn how to self-soothe. Remember, we heard about that concept when our kids were babies? You put them to sleep alone in the crib and they cry and cry. They want their mommy or someone else to come in and soothe them, settle them down. Eventually babies learn how to settle themselves down, not be scared or sad and just go to sleep. Same with adults. (allegedly) You learn how to deal with your emotions, particularly that of being lonely. You learn how to be alone and or deal with your sadness without it taking over your life.
You will learn how to make decisions on your own. You will learn that while by yourself and trying to get kids out the door and someone forgot their lunch and there is no other parent to retrieve it, you will learn to make an executive decision that they’ll have to buy or go without and the bag lunch that was left on the counter will probably be eaten by the dog. And you’ll be ok with that decision. You’ll get more comfortable in your decision-making capabilities. This also breeds confidence.
You will learn that the only person you can count on is yourself, so don’t depend on anyone. That is the most promising and enlightening lesson to be learned. You can’t wait around your whole life for others to make decisions for you or make your happiness. Half the time they won’t come through, will break a promise, or just plain deceive your ass. It won’t happen if you depend on others. Make the most dependable people in your lives – me, myself, and I.
Just like working out and physical activity, nothing is ever gained without a little pain, discomfort, or sweat. You’ll experience some crap, but you’ll get through it, and afterward you’ll be all like, “Dude, I made it through that” and you will feel all kinds of awesome. Trust me, I know. Be prepared to feel awesome after divorce.