So, you’re starting over. Unfortunately it’s a part of divorce. Unless you got a really awesome settlement out of your divorce (like wives number 1 and 2 of Donald Trump)… well for one you’re probably not reading this website if you did because you’re feelin’ all fine and dandy… but unless you did get some lovely parting gifts, you have to start over.
There are many ways of starting over, from anything as simple as getting your own checkbook to having to find new housing and a means to support your family, and everything in between. I’m here to tell you that it can be done. Whatever it is, IT CAN BE DONE! I did it! You want to hear the story of my post divorce, uh shall we say, challenge… click on the link below to hear my podcast! It’s my latest episode called “The Only Country Club Member on Food Stamps. The Story of Madge”. I make the crappy parts sound better with jokes and it has a happy ending so, you’ll enjoy it…
You’re not the first and you won’t be the last. Unfortunately, when I was going through my divorce in 2000-2001 there were no websites like DivorcedMoms.com to learn, commiserate, grieve, and grow. I just listened to mostly horror stories from friends and acquaintances. Woohoo! Let me tell ya’ when they say “Misery loves company” it’s tenfold with divorced people. It’s like a divorced person walking by another divorced person, the gravitational pull starts and they get sucked into their orbit… and just like the moon orbiting the Earth, that’s an orbit not easily broken.
It’s real easy to stay in miserable mode. But let’s get you out of that mode! Let’s look at this as a new chapter! A do-over! OK yea, it will still suck a little but try and stay positive. Here are a few tips to get going in the right direction…
1. Make a list. Make a list of what you have to do, everything from getting a new checking account, to finding a new place to live, to finding a therapist to get you through, to finding a job.
2. Tackle a few of the small things first to get some confidence and feel like you can accomplish something. And don’t forget to pat yourself on the back after you do it. Give yourself credit.
3. Breathe. Seriously, breathe. Don’t panic. I did a lot of flailing. Don’t flail. Remain calm. You’ll get through this.
4. Use resources like DivorcedMoms.com, and friends who have gone through a divorce. Use them to find other resources like places to live, finding a job, finding a divorce lawyer.
5. Don’t wallow or be a victim. You can grieve, that’s different. Grieving is a healthy process to mourn the loss of your marriage. But nobody likes a Debbie Downer or perpetual victim, not to mention you are what you think. This was an important one I wished I had learned early on in the process, but if you have a negative mind set like “Why does everything bad happen to me?”, “I’ll never get out of this.”, you will reap what you sow.
These are just a few things to get you in the right mindset to tackle your new… adventure! Yea, an adventure! OK, it may be a little challenging, frustrating, and sad, but just say to yourself “This too shall pass”. One thing at a time, start looking for a job, a new place to live, a new bar to hang out in where he isn’t in… whatever it is, you can do it!