Suddenly head of the household and not sure where to turn? Tired of a dead-end job? Always had a dream to do something you love? Then listen to my podcast this week as I have a conversation with Angella Luyk Entrepreneur and Business Mentor.
When I got divorced 16 years ago, I found myself having to re-arrange my finances. I had been a stay-at-home mom with a small part-time job and all living expenses for my 3 children and myself paid for by my husband. I made a HUGE mistake at the time. I should have put my foot down and made the divorce decree state that he would pay for everything until the kids all got into school. At the time they were 7, 4, and 2. Only one in public elementary school at the time. But no, I said I’ll pull my weight, I’ll get a job. Dumbass.
Getting a job to pay for 2 in daycare and 1 in after-school care and having anything leftover in Denver, CO was tantamount to trying to catch a greased toddler. Why did I even bother. I was only making enough money to cover daycare. I had no family around. All it did was add more stress. I should have just stayed home.
Anyway, some women don’t have that luxury of deciding. They have sole provider thrust upon them… as I did about 7 years into the marriage when my ex-husband went MIA for a few years. No child support, no nothing. I suddenly found myself really REALLY head of the household. I wish I’d known then what I know now.
What I know now is that you don’t have to take any job that feels wrong to you. Yes, I needed to find something anything to feed the kids, but I took things with clear as day abusive bosses and people who wanted to scam me and get away with paying nothing or as little as possible. I didn’t often think things entirely through because I was in such a panic mode… get something ANYTHING to feed the kids. I also wish I’d had guidance to start my own business the right way.
My biggest problem was I was afraid to ask for help. I may have asked for things in desperation after it was too late but I never sat down with a professional and said “Here is what I want to do, how do I achieve that?” Mostly because I knew I couldn’t afford any services. I really couldn’t, I was on food stamps, public assistance, free lunch for kids, got evicted, yada yada… But thinking back, had I made a deal then to pay over time (there is always a deal to be made) or something, I couldn’t have saved myself years of frustration and heartache.
My first piece of advice to you if you are in this situation is… breathe. No good decision has ever been made in a panic. I know firsthand. If you don’t know what to do next… Google it. Google support groups, job help, small business help, psychotherapy… whatever pops into your mind. Hell, even ask me! I’ll help you start on your path. Also look into my latest guest Angella Luyk at www.AngellaLuyk.com for business mentoring.
When faced with a situation of not knowing where to turn, always ask for help. There is always help. It doesn’t have to be high-priced professional help, it could even be someone who is just one step further than you in the process. They’ve already been at your level, they can help get you to the next. Ask me, I’ll help get you started! And don’t forget to listen to my latest podcast for more ideas!