I always found it odd how after my divorce people were so quick to get me hooked up or married off. Sure sometimes I felt very lonely and unloved, it would have been nice to have some affection and to not feel so alone but I wasn’t going to settle for just any warm body.
I had a lot of troubles in the first several years of my divorce. I was struggling, I was broke, I had 3 young kids. It seemed whenever I was discussing some issue I was having, often the solution that was offered by the other person was, “Well, maybe you’ll meet a rich guy.” Seriously? In this day and age? Yes, they were serious.
Even my own mother would suggest frequently that I should move in with a guy I was dating. Ya’ know I get it, she was my Mother she just didn’t like to see me suffer. And since I wouldn’t be getting a law degree or be named CEO of Google anytime soon, she thought the quickest fix was being supported by a dude. But I never once heard from anybody, “Good job on trying to do it on your own. At least you didn’t hook up with a guy just to get our of your troubles.” Not once, not ever.
Which was odd because the other half of the time, those same people were telling me that I needed to budget my money to not ever count on getting money from my ex or any other man. Wait what? Ok, you just kind of contradicted yourself there. So what do I do… find a guy or not count on a guy?
I was raised to be very independent. I came from a family of freshly minted feminists. Nobody wore makeup, or feminine sexy clothes, being a cheerleader (which I was) was an embarrassment rather than an accomplishment. So you’d think I would have gotten a ticker tape parade and laurel wreath for trying really hard to stay single and pull my own weight. Nope.
Family, strangers, friends were all wishing me to couple up. So which makes me wonder, do men receive the same advice of finding a nice woman? Do people say, “Your life is a mess with your shortage of clean under, wrinkled shirts, and poor eating habits. You need a woman.” I know I’ve never said it to any guy. My first thought is that he should learn to do his own God damn laundry and buy a cookbook.
But I do think it’s people’s nature in general to want to see people in love. When anyone is single or never married, people always ask “Why are you single? Are you dating anyone?” And if you are dating someone, they always ask, “So when are you two getting married?” I don’t ask that. I don’t care. Not that I’m cold or anything but I just know the sensitivity on that subject and I know it’s a really personal question.
I know couples that have been living together for years, not once has it crossed my mind to ask them when they are getting married. I figured if they wanted to be married they would have done it. And if one wanted to be married and one didn’t, hopefully they’d either accept that or move on. And when I tell people that I never want to be married again they act all sad and like I’m some sort of cold-hearted bitch. But you see, the reason I don’t want to be married is again is because I hold marriage in high regard.
You’re probably saying, “What the hell is this broad talking about?” I believe marriage is the ultimate commitment of love and respect and it is a one shot deal. I’m Catholic I was raised by “’til death do us part”… literally. My parents were married for 64 years when my Father died, my Mother died a year later. I got divorced. I didn’t want to but I deserved better than a cheating, verbally abusive alcoholic. So I got the divorce and an annulment. Even though I have the annulment, I have no desire to be married again because I think it’s too important to do numerous times.
Hey, that’s just my opinion. I may completely change my mind one day. I may want to live out my final days with a love of my life. Who knows? But I don’t have a life’s goal of finding a man to marry, and I just wonder why more people don’t give me kudos for trying to be responsible for my own life and my own crap. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against anyone who does really want to be married again. I truly hope you find that dream. And I’m not saying you just want to find a man for stability either, I know they are two separate things. But kudos to any of you gals out there tryin’ to hold your own, you’re doing great.