I haven’t been on track with writing blogs in the last couple weeks because I had an unexpected event. Well not so unexpected, just not expected this soon.
My 87 year old Mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor in August. She decided to have treatment which weakened her considerably. Two weeks ago she suddenly came down with pneumonia and was admitted to the hospital. The next day I jumped on a plane to see her. The day after that she passed away.
What made it a little harder to take is that my Father passed away just over 12 months ago.
While I am so thankful for the time I had with them, which was indeed a good long time, I still am sad because I will miss them. I do miss them.
Divorce is similar to death. It’s the death of a relationship, death of a particular living situation, the death of a family the way we once knew it.
As a matter of fact, 13 years ago when I was struggling with getting divorced, I went to see my parish priest. At the time, my parents had been married for 52 years. I thought marriage was forever. Well I told my priest about all of the mental, physical, and emotional abuse that was going on, he asked me “Does it feel like a part of your soul died?” I said yes. He said, “Well there is the ’til death do us part'”
Wow. Yup. He had a point. And as in any situation involving “death”, you go through a grieving process. That grieving process involves many different emotions. Sorrow, anger, confusion, joy. Yes, joy. You usually end up remembering the good times… which is quickly followed by the other emotions because you realize they have been taken away and you will never have them again.
So as with any other death you need time to mourn the loss. Grieve. Even if you despised your ex, you still need to grieve because it is a chapter in your life that is now over. It’s ok to grieve, to feel all the feelings. Cry when you feel like it. Be sad when you feel like it. Throw things when you… are in a place without people around and you don’t care what breaks. And most importantly, let yourself heal. That’s what I’m doing now. God bless.