Isn’t the term mood swings a bit misleading? It’s not as though their moods every swing positive. Okay, now that I have your attention with that corny observation, let’s get real for a bit.
Putting yourself back out there after a divorce is difficult. Anyone with two eyes and a brain knows this. It is especially hard when you have gone through a tough marriage. Dating again requires confidence in one’s self, faith that there are people you can connect with and trust in someone that strikes your fancy. Like I said, it’s hard.
And yet for all of these challenges, divorced women are clicking profiles, kissing frogs and taking chances every day. Some of them even find someone worthy of a relationship. But for all of the goodness that comes from finally taking that relationship leap, I would not be doing my job if I did not give some words of advice, even caution.
1. Give and Let Give: You are a giver by nature and I love that about you. I am quite sure you’re past hubs benefited from your generous nature. And yet for all of those things you did for others, you were never fully comfortable letting people do for you. You must get over this discomfort in your new relationship. Let your partner give to you. Think about how happy it makes you to give. Shouldn’t someone else be able to be this happy, to feel the joy of giving too? Of course the answer is yes.
When he wants to get you a gift certificate to a day spa, go with it.
When he hands you two tickets to see a show with your girlfriend, do not automatically think about what you can do to give back. Enjoy the show.
You are a giver by nature and always will be–someone else wants to give back. L-e-t t-h-e-m.
Now, I am not naïve to the fact that some partners are not givers and to that I say, walk away. You teach people how to treat you and if you give without getting, you are teaching them that you are comfortable with this uneven seesaw.
2. Do Not Let Old Wounds Take Over: You deserve the opportunity to show who you are without being prematurely labeled. Divorced women get a bad rap for being angry, clingy, and overly skeptical. I do not know you and yet I am quite sure that these stereotypical adjectives do not define you.
The question is; who is the person that you have decided to get into a relationship with? Are they the epitome of negative stereotypes? I think not or you would not be with them. And yet, you may be having a hard time trusting them and letting them in your secret garden. This is because you have yet to fully shed the scars of lovers past.
I implore you to let go. If you cannot, you will never fully let them in and the relationship will always be stifled by barriers.
When we decide to take a chance on someone, we must give that someone every opportunity to show us who they are and what we mean to them. That someone cannot be viewed through the same lens as someone that has let us down in the past. Otherwise, we may as well be dating our past.
Remember, the past is the past for a reason.
3. Hold Onto Your Individuality: Carson has a great thing going with Matt. He is the first guy she has really fallen for after her divorce from Kevin. Matt is kind, fun and tender, traits Carson has never seen in one man. Carson is on cloud nine. It’s as if nothing else matters.
Hold on Carson. You matter and Matt has demonstrated that to you through his kindness. But who are you and who will you become if you become too lost in Matt? Where are those hobbies that made you so happy? Or those two evenings a month that you would spend after work with your girlfriends. I’ve read your Facebook posts and nearly every one of them are about your affections for Matt and the plans you are making for your future together. But togetherness only works when both people in the equation bring themselves fully. Otherwise there really is no two-gether.
The worst of all worlds for Carson is a situation where she loses Matt because she has become so lost in him that he does not recognize her. She becomes someone that is anyone other than the woman he fell for.