I don’t know what to make of it, and I’m still, in my Bad Divorce PTSD way waiting for the other anvil to drop, but I am basking in Prince’s cease-fire. For reasons not at all clear to me, my ex’s incendiary e-mails have dried up to an occasionally imperious jab. When I told him Atticus and I were splitting, he didn’t harangue me for a second divorce. Instead, he said: “Oh, that’s too bad. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
When I told him I could no longer afford to split the cost of Franny’s tutoring, he didn’t balk, or threaten to take me to court. He didn’t accuse me of mismanaging money.
A couple weeks ago, after Franny’s school performance, I stood next to Prince while we were waiting for her to come out of her classroom. We exchanged logistical information when it hit me: talking to Prince felt easy and devoid of tension.
For the first time in ten years, I feel that we are truly divorced. Because there’s nothing like ongoing litigation, or post-marital mud-slinging, to make you feel joined at the hip.
I still don’t trust this peaceful punctuation, however, so I find myself wondering why Prince has cooled his fighter jets. Perhaps it’s the fact that he has essentially full custody of Luca. Perhaps it’s the fact that he no longer pays child support. Perhaps he was happy to see Atticus go. Or perhaps he’s happily remarried and finally ready to move on with his life.
I don’t know what’s changed for him, but I do know what’s changed for me. I have learned to detach from my ex-husband. Some days detachment comes easier than others, but compared to how tangled up my psyche was with Prince’s a few years ago, I am more zen than I ever dreamed possible.
I attribute some of my new stance to maturity, but more so to this blog. Over the past two years, I have blogged my way out of the codependent morass — “if I could just get him to do xyz, my life would be so much better!” — we existed in when we were married. And I have blogged my way into a place of relative balance: what my ex thinks of me is about him, and is really not my business.
Still, the potential for Prince-shigas is ongoing, and I can’t completely let down my guard. I just hope, should the next storm cloud appear, that I will remember to do the only thing I can control: take cover under my umbrella of detachment.
Today, I’m thankful for Peace — outside and in.