You’ve seen the signs. Probably while trying to exit a parking garage in a newly rented car. You’ve been driving around in circles, become confused and can’t find your way out. And while trying to backtrack you realize you are going the wrong way when, despite your best intentions, you come face-to-face with a huge sign flexing its muscles atop a big-ass row of nasty-looking spikes which reads: DO NOT ENTER. SEVERE TIRE DAMAGE.
So you hesitate. Any sane person would know to do that. A two year old would know. But then you experience a moment where you seemingly lose your good sense and forge on ahead, running right over the spikes. And when you thud to a halt, there you are, in an immovable vehicle atop four completely shredded tires, wondering for all-the world how you got there.
Although I haven’t experienced this scenario in this particular way, I see it as a metaphor for my marriage at the time it was beginning to tank. I saw the big-ass spikes. I saw the warning signs and ignored them. For some reason, I didn’t think they really applied to me. And the fact that I tried to work my will in spite of those signs is something I cannot deny. But in my defense I have to tell you this was largely due to a case of hope gone awry. I hoped with all my heart that things would work themselves out despite the serious damage that was clearly inevitable. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again: denial is a powerful tool for survival and it’s also a river in Egypt. And I was a mighty traveler there.
Marriage is hard but divorce is harder because you have to believe that your marriage failed in order for you to grow; that death really leads to rebirth. And even though the severe tire damage I experienced was hard to take at the time, I got through it and finally found my way out. Today, I am happy to report, I have regained my senses and am once again driving on all fours. And let me tell you, I sure plan to keep it that way.