Friday night I posted about unpacking my bag after the kids left for their first week at Stanleys. Well, I decided to give myself that night to be funky and resolved to get up in the morning and prepare for new husband to move in. Oh, I had big plans. Cleaning the pool so we could sit out there and drink margaritas, make sure we had margarita fixings, buy groceries and stuff he likes and ingredients to make a great dinner.
Yeah, none of that happened.
I fucking woke up on Saturday morning full of good intentions but with a throbbing headache and shooting pain around my eye socket. I had to see patients because I had taken time off with the kids and by the time I was done even the patients were disturbed by my incredibly disgusting and shocking red eyeball.
One of my patient’s informed me I looked like a walker from The Walking Dead.
(actual eyeball, crows feet, unplucked brows plus some freckles or sun spots)
I said, “Oh hell no” and headed to urgent care.
This eye socket hurt. Plus my head and face on one side hurt.
I explained my one sided pain and she started checking me for scabs and sores for shingles.
Then she started questioning a possible face droop. Stroke? Bell’s Palsy?
I said, “HELL NO, I’m getting married in 12 days, you take that back!”
She decided it was most likely that I had a sinus infection and conjunctivitis but she told me
“You need to calm your ass down. Do a cleanse, get a massage, sit in a dark room and REST.”
Yeah, sure, okay. What, do I seem stressed?
I headed off to Target to pick up my prescriptions she sent in electronically, one being an eye drop. I felt terrible but that shit was urgent. The Pharmacist said it was just coming over the wire and he had a few in front of me but he would get it done and oh, BTW, the pharmacy closes at 5. It was 4:35. So, I think of the things I need that my new almost husband might enjoy, i.e we were out of coffee and the kids had eaten all the food before they left, and took off to the grocery area. Where I ran slap into one of my besties, who burst into tears at the sight of me.
Which made me cry (I was already on the edge)
“What do I look that bad? I know right?”
Well she wouldn’t hug me because she was scared of my funk, but she burst into tears when she saw me because she has been trying to make a decision about a health issue (I knew that part already) but had received some new test results that I did not know about. I said, “I was thinking of you at the Dr yesterday and didn’t hear from you and it worried me, what happened?” Water works in Target. She went through 4 new Keenex that she was fishing out of the container in her purse.
Poor poor thing. This is about breast cancer people. She is okay, cancer free, had a double mastectomy with reconstruction almost 5 years ago. But then her genetics came back BRCA negative meaning she did not have the breast cancer gene even though she has a family history. So she decided not to proceed with a hysterectomy at that time. Now, she has some uterine changes and needs one. She’s just grieving again. Grieving the need to be cut on again. Grieving a perceived further loss of femininity.
She said, “I swear God sent me in here and there you were because I need this cry.”
Then she asked the fatal question, “How are you? You look terrible.”
Boooooooohooooooo hooooo. She had to fish me out my own Kleenex from her bag. Not about my eye, but about my kids starting the custody flip flop. So, I mopped my goopy and throbbing eyeball and looked down to discover it was 5:05. Shit fuck and damn.
We took off running to the pharmacy but it was closed. She banged on the doors and windows of the pharmacy.
Even the metal thingy.
Nada. She was running all around asking people to open it up.
I’m like, “Forget it I will get it as soon as they open tomorrow!”
She’s all, “I’m going to find someone to open this or die trying, this is my fault and you look like SHIT!”
Anyway. I came home dropless. I couldn’t see to do everything I needed to do and did a shitty job shopping for my man some food.
I was so disappointed. Not only was I not prepared for his arrival the way I wanted to be,
but I also look horrible.
Of course he got here and was perfect. He told me about 100x that I was beautiful and did not recoil in any way. When we made love (because he said being nekkid was the best medicine for pink eye) I tried to keep my eyes closed so he wouldn’t be wigged out.
My eye isn’t just pink. It is bloody.
But my biggest fear by far is that he is 10 days out from cataract surgery. He is still doing tons of drops in his eyes. I am petrified that he will get this.
No touching my face (I’m dying to) and no touching his face (I love to touch his face.)
New towels and pillow cases every day.
Throw out eye makeup and no makeup at all for 10 days.
I’m getting married in 12.
Could be pretty. I’m just pissed because for all the shit and money I’ve spent worrying every little thing and now I look like
the Devil’s Spawn.
It just goes to show, shit happens.