Thanks to everyone for your concern and prayers, I am feeling better today. Boring as hell, but better. I haven’t had pain meds in almost 12 hours and I’m making it. I’m hoping tomorrow I can get out and get back to normal.
Last week was pretty bad. It sucked actually. First I had Stanley dropping the “I don’t want to keep the house and bird nest anymore'” bomb, my looming surgery, and in addition, I had a male reader who left several comments bringing up the fact that it would be nice if there was a way to share Stanley’s side of bird nesting and expressing his concern that Stanley had no way to defend himself. All true. What he said was fair and I took it to heart.
However, there was a section of his comments to which I took offense. It seems to be a recurring theme I am seeing on other boards, i.e. the Huffington Post comment section, other blogger’s comments sections and then on my blog.
And I quote:
“You were the one that instigated the divorce.“
I don’t understand. Are women not allowed to instigate divorce?
When did it become wrong for women to have the right to pursue happiness?
I was the one that instigated the divorce…
Because Stanley was the one who sucked.
Okay, so there is an increase in the number of women filing for divorce. So what? It just means we expect more from our partners. We are working as hard as men in our professions, taking care of the home, taking care of the children, and in some instances, a disengaged man at home, not pulling his weight, just becomes another chore.
The day I broke down and learned to work the electric drill to do something that he had ignored for 2 years was the day he was made redundant.
And through my clinical work and my life experience, I don’t believe that most women bail. Some do, no doubt.
But among the women I see, and in my group of friends, and of course speaking for myself,
women want to create a home that is safe and secure.
Ending my marriage was the biggest admission of failure in my life.
I had tried for years to get Stanley to go to marriage counseling. For years prior to the divorce, I had been telling him, not hinting or giving him passive aggressive signs to read, I had been TELLING him that I was not happy. The day I asked for a divorce was the day that he told me in therapy,
“I don’t think I care enough about you to want to work on our relationship anymore”.
So, yes, I instigated the divorce. But Stanley was in no way abandoned. He had every opportunity to change the course of our fate. The last thing I wanted in life was this divorce. Actually, it is the 2nd to the last thing I wanted in life.
The last thing I wanted was to spend the rest of my life with a man who
didn’t care enough about me to work on our relationship.
So, anyone that thinks that I abandoned my marriage, can
We all have a right to happiness.