People seem to have lost their marbles this week. Yes, I may have too, I’m not pointing fingers at everyone else without including myself in that group. I have doubted my own sanity this week. Mostly for the choices I have made that landed me in this predicament.
First, Stanley. Help me Jesus, the man is a moron.
He has a bee in his British bonnet to sell the house. Okay. Well, the pool is leaking. After a week of investigating this phenomenon, we have realized this is not a cheap fix. It is about a $4K fix. Alrighty. Then, there is a hole in the drive way.
Not as big as this.
But big enough to hide a body in, I’m just sayin.
That will cost a significant amount of cash to fix. Also, my bathroom is a disaster. DISASTER. Think cracking 1964 pink tile. Plus, we need a new roof. The roof will not pass inspection. That is about 5K. In case anyone is keeping a spreadsheet, yes, we have about $12K in repairs. So, dumbass comes in Monday night and I’m getting my stuff to leave and he says,
“I’m so depressed about the stuff we need to fix to sell the house.”
So, we open the discussion, he gets his calculator, and we discuss the specifics. We agree, all nice like, that we think we could list for X amount, but realistically, get X amount, subtract 7% for realtor fees, then X amount that we owe, and probably clear about $12K divided by 2, = 6K a piece. Any money that we put in now for repairs will of course be less what we come out with at the end. It needs 12K worth of work to come out with 12K at the end. Or we can list as is, accept an offer for less money, make no repairs and possibly squeak by with nothing left at the end and hope we don’t have to take money to the close.
Depressing. So, I say,
“I’m considering maybe trying to refinance to keep the house. But it will be tricky because I will need someone to co-sign with me, I won’t qualify on my own.”
Then he gets all happy. He says,
“Well, if you did that, I would give you a fair price. I wouldn’t try to get over market value.”
Then he goes on to say, that if I bought him out, I would of course pay market value, X as previously determined before, but there would be no realtor fees of 7% (which is 22K we are talking about here), no need for repairs, so add that 12K back in, so he would be happy to walk for umm, 22 +12 = $34K plus several thousand for furniture.
I got all verklemped and upset, and couldn’t even speak.
Finally, I was like, “WHAT?
He started to re-explain and I just put my hand up and said,
“So, if someone else buys the house, it’s okay for you to come out with $6K or nuthin, but if I buy you out, you make $34 thousand dollars? Did I hear that right? Because that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. FORGET IT. JUST FORGET IT. I don’t have 34 thousand dollars, I don’t have $34. So, in this scenario, you have 34 thousand dollars and I have a mortgage I can barely pay and a house that needs $12 thousand dollars worth of work. FORGET IT. We don’t have 34 thousand dollars in equity in this house, What the fuck?”
Then I grabbed my shit up, yelled to the kids that I was leaving and would see them tomorrow, and raced out to my car. I was very close to tears. Mostly because if he demands a pay out like that then there is no way I can keep the house. But also because he is stupid as fuck and I am forever entangled with this stupid as fuck person because I married him. I got in the car and called Al, nearly hysterical. There was a lot of tearful cries
What. The. Fuck?
Poor Al. He was trying to follow it on the phone, but it is hard to even explain this level of stupidity. First, 1/2 the equity that we don’t have but he thinks is 34K is mine. Also, I had 30K equity in a house when we got married, I already owned a house. He owned a bag of CD’s and some pointy toed boots. I am going to explain this to him when I can stand to talk to him again. Which may be awhile.
Today I woke up mad. At him and at myself for marrying him.
WTF was I thinking?