Hello, my name is Cuckoo Momma and I am a squatter.
When I am off nest duty I stay at my parent’s house. Frequently they travel. But they have been home A LOT. Last weekend I was there and they were gone. I spent the weekend watching The Killing on Netflix. I watched 16 episodes. It was harsh. Good, but dark and intense. I was glued.
On my weekends off, I watch all of those dark shows. I may have a problem. For years my fave show was Dexter. I have watched The Following, Hannibal (I may be done with that, it got toooooo freaky at the end of this season), I’m an American Horror Story fangirl, love Walking Dead, loved Breaking Bad, I like the intense shows.
Looking at this now, I see that maybe I have just a lil bit of a problem and will ponder why I like to watch those things. It may be a lil crazy.
When my parents are home though it is a different story. My dad is retired, but has a play job that is keeping him out late with my brother. He is having the best time ever. My mom is bored, bored, bored. I can tell because when I come in she starts pouring the wine and chatting. Then she wants me to watch TV with her. She watches Dancing With the Stars, American Idol, and now, The Bachelorette. I don’t watch any of those shows. I’ve never watched any of those shows. She seems delighted when I come in. A time or two I would try to retire to my room there to do notes, blog, or most importantly, watch something else. She would say,
“You going back there? I wish you would stay with me.”
“Sure, I’ll stay. I thought maybe you would like some time alone.”
That, my friends, is how I got hooked on this season of The Bachelorette.
It is more than I can bear and yet I can’t quit watching. Back on nest duty and I am watching. There is going to be a tragedy here (there already has been one tragedy, one of the Bachelors got killed in a sporting accident this season after she let him go) because she is keeping all the men that, while handsome, are going to cause her heartache for sure.
Oh Andi. Poor Andi…
Nick? You kept Nick?
You poor dumb bitch. He is a lying dog.
Andi will be reading books on how to divorce a narcissist soonish.
Chris? You kept Chris?
I get it. He’s nice. He’s a farmer. He seems pretty mentally stable. However, he wants you to be a homemaker on his farm in Iowa. You are an attorney, Andi. You don’t need to give up your life and move to a farm in Iowa for dude. Do you see all that land behind him, Andi? That boring open land with nary a Nordstroms in sight? Do you, Andi?
Josh? Really, Josh?
He got awfully mad when he had to take the polygraph test. He acted horribly about it and stormed around, stomping and huffing and pouting. Grrrr I’m mad. I’m big and scary and mad. She decided not to look at the results. I was hoping she would look at his results.
Don’t rip them up, Andi, he has something to hide!
“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ANDI, LOOOOOOK,” Mom and I were pleading.
Poor, poor Andi.
She let Marcus go. Marcus was so handsome. He appeared to be honest, unassuming, sweet.
He even made her laugh. And she kissed him like she liked it.
She broke his heart sending him home.
Girls all over Twitter (shhhh, don’t judge!) were tweeting,
andi wtf r u doin letting go of marcus!!!!
I’d marry Marcus… Right now!
See, everyone agrees, she is a dumb head.
Poor thang. Bless her heart. I wish she could hear me screaming through the TV.