This is part 2 of Al’s Epiphany Post (part 1 right here).
My comments are in bold.
So when I left you last I had been struck by the grand epiphany.
Epiphany: It doesn’t matter ‘why’ our marriage failed, quit pondering that question, we hate each other and can’t be in the same space without some degree of malicious intent.
Now, while this certainly made it much easier to let go of this tension that had been growing inside of me just from being near my crazy ex, it didn’t mean the end of the fun. I had one more day to spend painting and working in her majesty’s presence. The Cracker Jack box that is my ex kept dropping more and more prizes for me.
Saturday ended pleasantly enough. I gave her a half hours notice regarding my intention to knock off work which set off a scurrying of phone calls and assorted noises above my head. I emerged from the basement covered in paint with dust bunnies in my hair. She emerged in what appeared to be going out clothes.
(I’m sorry, I’m just mean)
Now this to my mind is good news! Ever since my divorce I have gotten down on my knees every night praying that my ex would date. Anyone. Anything. Just get some action. Male, female, I’m not picky. Just go forth and find someone else to make miserable. To my knowledge my prayers have never been answered. But she was all dolled up. Could this be the night? I suspect I may never get that lucky but hope springs eternal.
Even Chucky got a girlfriend
Sunday morning came too early. I wasn’t ready to see her again yet. How did I ever live with her? But same bat time, same bat channel and her car pulls up. The dogs are happy to see me, but I look over and I see a zombie. I mean she was in a catatonic state. (This happens with her sometimes. One of her moods is a near catatonic state. Crazy bitch). I barely got a grunt good morning. Guess the date never came through or if it did, it was bad. RATS! Oh well, her catatonia meant I didn’t have to make conversation. I can find the positive in any new development. (Yes, it’s kind of annoying sometimes.)
There was another silver lining since my youngest daughter would be home. For some reason, this creates sometimes a new wrinkle in the dynamic with my ex. I have varying levels of closeness with all my kids but we are always very affectionate. I’m a hugger. My ex is not. I guess it’s how you were raised. I was raised to show people you care about them.
Now when my daughter is with me there is always a lot of hugging. Lots of chatter about this and that. And lots of glares from the ex. I’ve never been able to get a grip on this. She appears mortally offended when the kids are affectionate with me. Probably a subject for another day, but it is very odd. I bring this up because after a cup or two of coffee my ex had roused herself from the catatonic state to be quite pleasant. We had a basic chat and she even asked me about my plans for when I move to be with the CM! Since the car ride, her mood had improved tremendously. But when my daughter appeared and the happy hugging began the worm turned ugly. Suddenly, she was glaring and sulking and there was an occasional stomp. (How immature to be angry that your kids and their dad have a good relationship. What is she, 2?) I quickly moved myself back to the basement where the dirt and work were sure to keep her at bay. There were no overt acts of bad behavior but the potential had been identified. I had seen the warning signs.
I was happy I had my running shoes on!
Forewarned, I kept busy in the basement, painting with my daughter’s help. We played music. We painted. I kept her lazy teenage butt on task and the work got done. There were periodic sightings of my ex who was engaging in more and more secret phone calls and after a while, a marathon session of solitaire on the computer. The zombie had returned. But there were no blow ups. No yelling. No name calling. No hurt feelings and in general this may be something to build on. (LIKE HELL. SHE CAN’T MAINTAIN A MOOD FOR MORE THAN 45 MINUTES. HE IS AN OPTIMIST, REMEMBER?) But probably not. CM has a saying with regards to my ex “today’s sanity is no guarantee that tomorrow will be the same “. This is very true. But for my part it is getting easier. With the sale of the house there will be one less tie to the past and to her. My realization that the why our marriage went south doesn’t matter anymore is huge. I can move forward without any need to revisit or relive the past. (Wish I could).
I have too much to look forward to to look back any more. I have too many positives today and a life with true love and a true partner. (AWWWW)
I’ll try really hard not to be as crazy as she is.
So far my biggest crime is my phone aversion.
I’m working on a post about the auction with my lovah and my ex.
Thank you Al for your thoughts.