Over the weekend, while lying in my germ infested nightie, eating one nasty throat lozenge after another, moaning loudly at times to keep myself company, I saw waaay to much beauty and happiness coming out of Venice, Italy.
It only further added to my misery.
The wedding of Mr. Clooney and his bride was gorgeous, in a gorgeous city, with gorgeous people attending. There was nothing but gorgeousness and rich people coming out of my TV and on my ipad with all of the breaking, happy news of the wedding.
I looked at every last stupid photo. They all looked so freaking happy.
Motoring along the Grand Canal. Waving to the rest of us.
Of course, I’m jealous because she married George Clooney!
I love George Clooney. George Clooney is just the type of man women love. He’s a rascal, you can tell. Suave, sexy, a ladies’ man, unattainable. All of the things that make us swoon.
Ole George has left a string of broken hearts behind him. Women that hoped that they would be the one, women that he made promises to (I’m making that up, I have no idea but presumably he did.) Stacy Keibler was barely civil when she learned he had gotten engaged (per US Weekly so you know it’s true) and apparently Elisabetta Canalis (his ex before Stacy) spent Saturday instagramming photos of herself in her wedding dress (her own wedding was 2 weeks ago). That reeks of bitterness.
Bitterness. Something I know something about.
I get it. I’m happy that he found someone that blew his socks off. She’s probably nice.
But I’m still irritated. For another thing, just look how skinny she is!
Is this what it takes to land George Clooney?
Just LOOK at that.
The talking heads on TV were talking about how great she looked and her beautiful clothes. Yes, her clothes were beautiful. They were beautiful. They should have been, she had a $13 million wedding in one of the most romantic cities in the world. I would have been hugely disappointed if her wardrobe hadn’t been up to snuff. You can just bet she hasn’t been googling, “how to find a cheap bartender?” and “how to make your own bridal bouquet” and “Is it tacky to serve BBQ at a wedding reception.”
Entertainment Tonight’s Nancy O’dell was talking about Amal’s clothes and said,
“Just look at those gorgeous legs!”
Really? Those bones are gorgeous legs?
When did that become the standard for legs?
Now, Betty Grable had pretty legs.
More because they were so incredible.
They weren’t big, they were toned and perfect.
WTF, George Clooney?
Is your ‘chosen one’ going to set our standards of beauty now?
I feel sorry for his exes, all gorgeous and all probably comparing themselves (no matter how hard they try not to) to Amal Clooney. I can just hear them now,
“What does she have that I don’t have?”