I think possibly I experienced the most obnoxious people of my life yesterday, and I have met a few before. These guys took the cake. Who were they you might be asking?
My 13 year-old son and his 2 friends in carpool.
They get in the car, laughing and wrestling and making fun of each other, each wearing Nike Elite socks that are all the rage among the boys at school and cost $14 a pair. Yes, I had to take my son to the mall on Sunday afternoon and buy $30 worth of these socks. Plus they look stupid. They are in various colors, they wear them with their khacki shorts (uniform) and their sneakers. The socks come up to their mid calf, so they look REALLY bad as far as outfits go. One boy had on hot pink ones for breast cancer and I swear to God, the boys think they are cool because they get to say ‘breast’, as in I’ve heard them say, “they are for breast cancer” then they smack each other on the head, and loud laughter ensues.
One boy I drive home every day after school because they pick the boy up every morning at 7:15. Thank God. I am not a morning person and generally at that time every morning, I have made lunches, gotten him in the shower and moving but I am still sitting and staring. It could be the Tylenol PM that I take every night because otherwise I don’t sleep well and get all crazy. I was taking Melatonin but graduated to the hard stuff recently.
So yesterday, these socky wonders get in the car and I swear in the 5 minutes it took to drop the first boy off,
Between the 3 of them, they said the number 69 about 10 times in the car.
But in a way they thought was clever and I wouldn’t know what it meant.
“There were 69 questions on that math test”
“I didn’t understand # 69.”
“Dude! I have 69 friends on Instagram!”
Like apparently they think they just invented this concept and I don’t know what it means.
Or didn’t do it recently, maybe.
I didn’t say a word but was shooting them the stinkeye.
I get rid of the riders, good riddance, and then have a talk with the Boy.
I’m sure he loves our little talks.
ME: “Breast cancer is serious. It is a tragedy. Men lose wives and boys lose mothers. YOU WILL NOT MAKE LIGHT OF THAT”.
BOY: “I didn’t. We wear them to be supportive.”
ME: “You will be wearing them everyday of your life if I think again that you aren’t taking that seriously. Is it so fun for those boys to say breast? Breast, breast, breast, breast, breast! Half of the world has them. NO BIG DEAL.”
BOY: “I get it Mom! Geez, stop saying ‘breast’ it’s freaking me out!”
ME: “And I know what 69 means! You boys did not come up with that. None of y’a’ll have been within 69 feet of a girl in that way anyway!”
BOY: “Okay, it wasn’t funny, it wasn’t funny, I don’t want to talk about this anymore!”
ME: “I bet! Don’t make me have to have that conversation with you! I swear, y’all are NOT FUNNY.”
BOY: “Come on, we’re kind of funny!”
ME: “NOT FUNNY!”
I’m missing Bar Bar more everyday.
Help me Jesus.