Several days ago when I saw that Gwyneth and Chris were calling it quits my initial reaction was immediate love for their phrase, conscious uncoupling.
To me it is a statement of power, not victimization.
Divorce as a word, in my opinion, reeks of violence. Maybe because of the V in the middle. It feels as though you are ripped apart inside. I hear that ripping sound everywhere when I use that word. Divorce has ripped away my partnership, my family, my heart and my soul.
The word divorce makes me feel powerless.
Case in point, a friend of mine came up to me the other day in the school cafeteria and whispered, “It is happening to me, I’m getting a divorce.”
She choked out the word. Bless her heart.
When you say you are getting a divorce, it feels shameful. Yes, I failed, I’m powerless to stop this. To be honest, I’ve felt a lack of power and control off and on since my divorce.
But when Gwyneth and Chris put out their statement, which was ridiculed on every news and talk show that I’ve seen, I felt power behind it. I felt a “I’ve made this decision and I’m okay” behind it. I did not hear a ripping sound, I heard a “we’re going to change some things in our family dynamic but we’re okay” behind it.
I have a love/hate relationship with Gwyneth Paltrow.
When I look at her website, Goop, I just end up thinking how she has everything. Plus she’s tall and beautiful. And married to Chris Martin. Plus dated Brad Pitt when he was really hot.
I kind of hate her for that.
But I caught part of Glee the other night and she was dressed as Temple Grandin, and I thought,
“Geez, she can’t have too much ego to agree to look like that on national television.”
Srsly. Plus it was in sort of bad taste, but that’s Ryan Murphy’s fault.
Speaking of Ryan Murphy, next season is American Horror Story: Freak Show.” Skeery.
Anyway, I think that Chris and Gwyneth are doing great so far, talking about their plan to co-parent and in using a different phrase. Maybe it will take some of the shame away from me if I change my vocabulary and mindset. Also, they didn’t invent the phrase, it came from a book.
So instead of saying I’m divorced,
I’m going to start telling people that I’m consciously uncoupled.
Now I have to go shave everything to pick Al up at the airport. Whoop! This is a huge major perk of being consciously uncoupled and then sort of recoupled.