I had an absolute freak yesterday when I realized that the wedding is 3 weeks away. Al was here weekend before last and it was his last ‘visit’ before the wedding. We had one day alone in a hotel (R was here packing) and then spent Sunday, Mother’s Day, working in our yard. He slept on the sofa downstairs because we aren’t married yet and don’t sleep in the same room with children in the house. In 3 weeks we all have an adjustment to make.
He went home last Tuesday and had minor surgery on Thursday. He has another procedure tomororow and following a few days recovery will be good to move.
We have about a billion things to do.
l. The kids only have a few days left of school which means there are programs, field days and teacher gifts to buy.
2. Stanley has to move his shit out. I came in the other day to find him packing.
Srsly, you can’t make this shit up.
3. Al has to move in. I have to clean my closet so he will have someplace to hang his clothes! That is just for starters.
4. I want to do some house stuff before his family arrives for the wedding. Help me Jesus, I am running out of time.
5. Wedding. My To Do List has 26 items on it. My dress is being altered, the girls dresses both need some alterations, I still have no idea about flowers.
STOP. I’m having a panic attack.
or music. No plan for music for ceremony.
STOP. I may vomick.
Also, my strapless bra is a problem and it is almost more than I can bear.
I’ve lost weight since I bought it and it is too big in the cup, too tight around (what?) and too high for the dress. The alteration lady said I might have to sew it down on the day. What?? Me?
STOP. I may take to my bed.
The good news is in 4 weeks it will be all over.
Also, Al’s daughter, whom I adore, has decided to stay after the wedding and most of the summer. We weren’t planning a honeymoon yet, but I guess I hoped for a few days without people in the house since my kids will be at Stanley’s new place the week after. Al and I haven’t spent more than 8 days together in a row. We’ve never lived together. Does it make me a bitch to want to spend a few days after the wedding alone with my new husband? The last thing I want is for her to feel unwelcome but dang, it’s our “honeymoon”. I don’t want to be quiet or have somebody ask what is for dinner. I wanna be nekkid and eat strawberries and ice cream if I want.
I think we should have made a plan to go away so people would recognize it as our time.
Also, sometimes I worry about this whole thing. I love him so much. I cried when I dropped him at the airport on Tuesday.
But, sometimes we have little ‘words’ and we have to get used to living together. For 50% of my time, for the past 4 years, I have been able to do what I want and I have my little habits. He has too. He watches his shows and I have my shows. Our shows don’t really match. He watches Wicked Tuna and ESPN, etc. I watch Outlander and TLC.
Again, we have some adjustments to make.
It will all be fine, right?
Fundamentally, we are good. We have a friendship that I didn’t have with Stanley. We have a level of intimacy that I didn’t have with Stanley.
A few nights ago I went to happy hour with some colleagues, all mental health professionals. One of them asked me,
“Do you know the things about him that are going to get on your nerves (because things will) and can you live with them?”
(A table full of therapists, what can you do!)
Well, yes. After these years of going back and forth and written and phone communication, yes, I think I know what will bother me.
(By the way, I’m sure he does too.)
Then I took another swig.
It will be fine. I’m going in with both eyes open. I am not hopeless romantic, I do not need a man.
I’m choosing this because I love him and I want to be with him everyday.
It will be fine. He’s the one that should be nervous because I am crazy.