I am dog tired but I promised you a post about the social event where both my lovah and my ex-husband were in attendance, so by damn, here it is.
So, Al came in town to attend and help me with the PTA’s Silent Auction because we are trying to build a gym at the school and gyms cost big money. We are working on it. Stanley did not go last year but he did donate a batch of homebrew and so this year he donated homebrew, auctioned off a Homebrew Private Session with himself, and attended the event. Sans girlfriend. I had 2 friends who were selling tickets tell me that he only bought 1 ticket. Oddness, especially since he knew Al was going to be there, but whatever. The thought occurred to me that maybe they aren’t doing well, they do live together, but not my beezwax.
So, Al and I had worked throughout the day on Saturday at the auction site setting up plus we had to change and be there early. So it was a run, run, run. We did take time to mess our hair up really good in between so don’t feel too bad for us.
We got to the auction site and worked putting finishing touches on and setting out food and I decided I needed to check to see if Stanley had arrived at the beer station. So, I clomp down 2 stairwells (in heels) to the bar and there he was, full glass in hand. Now the beer they were serving in clear cups but they were big. The wine was served in short clear cups, like punch cups. NOT FAIR.
But anyway, as usual when I see Stanley, he was holding a big cup o’ beer. He hugged me and I told him Al was working upstairs, all good. So then Al came in and wanted a beer. I agreed to walk him downstairs. Clomp, clomp, clomp. They shook hands and he recommended a beer for my lovah and I asked him if his girlfriend was coming. He said, “No, she didn’t want to come and I didn’t blame her.” Okay, again, not my beezwax, and we went back upstairs and the event started. A bit later, Al told me he had gone for another beer and he thought that Stanley was a bit tipsy. Well, yes…
So, more talking and bidding and working the crowd to get them to bid and who should walk by me other than the woman who officiated at my wedding. OMG. She was like, “HEY!” Well we were very good friends and she was the chaplain at the hospital where Stanley and I both worked. She did know that we are divorced, but I haven’t seen her in many, many years.
I was all like, “So, I’m sure you have heard, but Stanley and I are divorced.”
She was all like, “I did hear that, how are you?” (With a very concerned look.)
I was all, “GREAT! This is my boyfriend, Al! Al, this is Linda, who was a chaplain at the hospital and we worked together and she did my wedding.”
He was all like, “Hey, great to meet you.”
Then I was all like, “Actually, Linda, Stanley is here.”
She was all like, “OMG. AWKWARD. I don’t know if I would actually recognize him.”
I said, “Well, he’s standing by the beer downstairs, but here he is now!” (As at that very moment, he walked by)
I pulled him over and he looked like he had never seen her a day in his life.
She said, “Do you remember me? I actually remember staring very intently into your face one April evening about 15 years ago.”
Al was like ho hum, awkward, #justsayin
So, that was uncomfortable as he figured out where she had stared intently into his face 15 years ago on an April evening, but he finally got it, muttered, “nice seeing you again” and toddled off back to the beer.
So, we went back around a few times and chit chatted with people, my lovah at my side and then Stanley toddled up again. Al was standing behind me.
I said to anyone in hearing distance, “Look at this jewelry, its pretty. Odd, artsy.”
and at that very moment…
Both my lovah and my ex-husband responded to my voice,
and BONKED heads so hard you could hear it a mile.
Holy God. Awkward. I mean, it was bad enough to have to be there together, but..
this was too much.
Stanley said, “Well, I always did say I wanted to knock him out.”
Al said, “Sorry, Man.”
Stanley turned to me and said, “Now you have 2 men fighting over you.”
I said, “As, if…….”
So, finally that sucker was over and we made big money. The photo at the top is an actual photo of the event with Stanley, Al and I maybe only a second or two before the head bonk. Linda the chaplain. told me after a few glasses of wine, that no one was surprised that we got divorced because we were just so different but of course no one warned me of that 15 years ago. She spent some time chatting with Al and told me he seemed ‘a big improvement’ later in the evening. HA.
As my dad would say, “Knot Heads.”