My lovah arrived as scheduled on Friday morning. It was a busy weekend because I had to work at the silent auction for the elementary school PTA. Al is a total sweetheart so came into town to help and to be my date. We picked up kids on Friday at carpool time and he helped load tables at the school into a truck and we carried them to the venue. By the time we got the kids back home, Stanley was pulling in. He had graciously agreed to bring some of his homebrew to the auction so y’all can all imagine how they both felt with the knowledge that they were spending part of the weekend in the same room.
After we dropped the kids off and I packed my bag quickly, we made the decison to go to a Mexican restaurant and have a margarita. We had some unresolved tension from the month spent apart. It was just weird. I had the fade so bad. I felt far away and like he wasn’t telling me something and he had his feelings hurt because I avoid the phone.
I do, I avoid the phone. I need a spanking.
So, we took some sips and chit chatted, then it all started pouring out. He told me something significant about one of his kids. Something I can’t believe he didn’t tell me before but he said he wanted to talk to me about it in person. Grrrr.
He needed a spanking for that one.
Me: “Always assume I need more information not less because I have felt like you weren’t telling me something and I hate that. I’ve had one man that didn’t share his thoughts with me. I am NOT doing that again.
Al: “Well, how do you think it makes me feel when you say things like, “Please don’t make me talk on the phone tonight, I’m too tired, That makes me feel terrible.”
more margarita sipping.
Me: “Well, I’m sorry. I know I’m not easy because I hate the phone but do you realize how many people I have to communicate with every day? I listen to people for a living. I know I’m bad about it, but do you want me to do something if it feels like a chore?”
Al: “NO! But I don’t want to feel like a chore! I want you to want to talk to me.”
Me: “I do but the longer we have between visits it all fades and I can’t help it.”
Al: “And do you know how it makes me feel when I get a text from you that says ‘I need you less everyday?”
Me: “No. Probably bad. But do you realize that the further out from my divorce I get and the longer we go between visits that I have to do more by myself and I am getting more self sufficient. I’m realizing I don’t need a man at all. I’m managing everything by myself. Then I get mad that I’m in a long distance relationship at all, especially when I think you are keeping things from me. I need to know what’s in your head or we will lose the momentum this stupid long distance relationship requires!”
We are, of course, both graduates of marriage counseling (that ended in divorce) and it was all, “it makes me feel like this when you…..”. We actually laughed about it a little. Later. Much later. He actually got mad at that point and we got up and tried to leave but it was pouring rain. We were shocked at the weather, we had no idea is was raining like that but by damn, we were leaving. We got soaked, not speaking, as we ran to the car. It would have been funny and romantic if we hadn’t been angry.
Apparently the rain, in addition to the frank conversation, helped cool us off, because we sat in the car for at least an hour, soaked to the skin, and recommitted ourselves to try harder. Dating after divorce is hard. Long distance dating after divorce is nearly impossible.
In the end we decided we could both do better. I will try harder to communicate and he will tell me things he’s thinking as he’s thinking them and not wait until he sees me. We also decided that we need periodic margarita peace summits.
After that there was lots of sweet nothings whispered, lots of sweet, deep kisses and some bad sex hair. True story: we walked back into the house on Sunday after spending several hours in bed and I had baaaad sex hair. I had said to him in the car that I was afraid my hair was going to give away our afternoon delight. But no… Jumping Bean said, “I love your hair today, Mom.”
Apparently she thought it was an improvement.
I have more to tell you about the social event with my lovah and my ex but will wait until tomorrow. I’m still processing that shit.