Believe it or not, I had one.
Then it was bashed with a big hammer.
Lord and sweet baby Jesus, people are stupid.
…allow me to take you back.
*Pretend we use a phone booth like Bill and Ted.
I woke up thinking about how yummy sleep is.
Definitely one of the perks of divorce (and there aren’t many)
is that there is alone time. I was off last night and so did not have to
get up at 5:45 am to get the little buggers off to school this morning.
I woke up alone at the crashpad and it was 8:30 a.m.
Yes, I slept until 8:30 a.m. Heaven. I had scheduled a break
in my work schedule to wait for the dishwasher delivery.
So, I wake up, all slowly and peacefully.
I have texts from my lovah (his are on the left)
Hey, I love you. Sitting here at work
wishing I could just curl up with you.
30 min later I respond.
Hey. I’m up. I love sleep
It’s just below making love
with you on my list of favorite things.
That was sweet.
And true. Now if it’s sleeping with you
after we’ve made love then that’s the
ultimate. Nekkid of course.
There is that.
I mean in my perfect world. That’s
where I live.
I gotta get my ass up.
I’m thinking as I get up that it is all pretty groovy really.
Life is good.
I have such a sweet lovah.
I got to sleep in plus my dishwasher is coming.
So, I pack my little shit and head back to the nest to
get dressed for the day and greet my new dishwasher.
I come in and my cleaner is here.
I have a cleaner every 2 weeks as part of my agreement with Stanley.
She does the heavy lifting only, mops and cleans the bathrooms, etc.
Well, she’s mopping all right.
The old dishwasher is in the middle of the floor.
I told Stanley last night not to pull it out because the cleaner was coming
and she would have to clean around it.
I did not pay for installation or haul away because Stan The Man
said he would handle that. Well, he pulled it out alright
and disconnected the sink because my cleaner
is mopping the floor and has fans going to help dry
the mess under the cabinet.
He apparently pulled the dishwasher into the middle
of the kitchen last night and disconnected the hoses.
Then, he let the cleaner in at 7 am this morning.
She went to work in the kitchen filling the sink.
He left with Merlot at 7:45.
Cleaner, oblivious to the sink unconnectedness
emptied sink of dirty water and it flooded the
undercabinet and put all the dirty water back onto
the floor that she had just mopped.
As a friend of mine said yesterday,
“If I roll my eyes any further back I might see my own spleen.”
Cleaner’s like, “Honey, Stanley is dumb, but they are ALL dumb.”
Now, I have to find my zen all over again.
What is the Serenity Prayer?
Lord, grant me the serenity
not to kill Stanley with my purse brick.