I rag on Stanley to a terrible degree here. But hey, it’s my blog and he irritates me to no end most of the time which is why we are no longer married. He’s selfish, he doesn’t like to be inconvenienced (and kids are nothing if not inconvenient) and he is a pig from the sandpits of hell in the house.
The curly tail has previously been admitted into evidence.
Yet sometimes I feel horribly guilty for talking so bad about him.
(not often, true)
The truth is, he loves his children.
And he can be a really good dad, you know, when it is convenient.
But I have felt kinder to him since our meeting last week when I offered to let him out of birdnesting and he declined. He told me again that he knew it was best for the kids. I realized at that time that he is still struggling with his anger toward me for the divorce. When he is short of money (which is always because this is an expensive arrangement) his anger towards me pops up again.
Like a mad Poptart.
I think it clouds his judgement (and the new girlfriend ragging on him that he pays too much here doesn’t help) and out it pops again represented in a hateful email that threatens the stability of our custody arrangement and therefore, my kids.
When really he is still just mad at me.
I have heard him say that we made a mutual decision about the divorce, but really, it was me saying
“you work harder in our relationship or I want a divorce.”
and him saying
“I don’t want to work at it I just want you to be happy with
me again just the way I am.”
I took it at the time as that he also wanted a divorce; but I am seeing now that he really didn’t. He just wanted us to go back to how it was before I realized I was unhappy. But we all know that can’t be done. And the truth of the matter is that Stanley didn’t change over time in our relationship. I did. Well maybe he did try less and take it for granted that I wouldn’t leave, but the truth is that what was tolerable to me in the beginning became less tolerable over time. I think I hit that midlife crisis re-evaluation process and decided I had a hell of a long time left to live in a relationship where I was a partner only to myself. Plus, I was lonely.
I was ripe for an affair.
If any man had shown me any kindness during that time I would have probably jumped him on the playground. Instead, I started taking Zoloft and eating carbs. Cognitively, I am aware that I couldn’t have lived like that forever. Something terrible would have happened. I would have made a terrible decision about something. The divorce was necessary to save us all from calamity and reaching notoriety on Nancy Grace.
THERAPIST RUNS OVER HUSBAND AND 32 KEGS IN DRIVEWAY!
THEN BACKS UP AND DOES IT AGAIN.
I swear it was an accident.
I think if he can ever get over his anger toward me
that we will be awesome co-parents
100% of the time.
I wish I could help him with that but of course he has to get there on his own. Maybe new girlfriend is helping him. I overheard the girls having a conversation yesterday. It went like this.
JB: “Merlot don’t do that, Daddy will yell tonight when he sees it.”
Merlot: “JB, Daddy won’t yell. He isn’t yelling as much anymore. I think he is trying harder”.
JB: “Maybe he is taking angry management classes, I’ve heard of those.”
Bless their little hearts.
And bless Stanley’s too.