Yes, I have the fade. Yes, I haven’t seen my lovah in a month. Yes, I went to a party last night where I was the only single person there. Yes, I’ve forgotten why I am in this stupid relationship anyway.
Remind me why I did this?
Oh yes, because nobody had talked pretty to me in a really long time.
Then he came into my life with his kisses, and his twinkly eyes, telling me sweet things and in the process I remembered I could have orgasms and forgot I had a brain.
I knew this weekend was going to be hard. After so long and then came the graduation where I wasn’t invited to go. So, his whole family is there and I’m not invited. I get it. I don’t even want to go. But I do want to be considered as part of his life enough to go. He keeps saying we are a package deal.
I’m feeling like this sort of package.
Like a big, dumb, stupid package that should have known better than to get into a stupid long distance relationship.
In addition, I’m in a stupid long distance relationship with a fellow people pleaser.
I’ve about decided that two people pleasers can’t be in a relationship together, because nothing ever happens. We are both too afraid of upsetting anyone else to actually put our relationship first. With most couples, at least one of them can set a limit. But, NOPE. Not here. Everyone comes before us. Every child’s feelings, every ex’s feelings, everybody. God forbid anyone should have to make an adjustment for us.
This is me.
How can this ever work with both of us afflicted with the people pleasing disease?
Anyway. I’m having a hard night. Actually, I’ve had a hard 2 weeks. Merlot is in a boot and can’t bear weight for another 3 – 4 weeks. I was on every night this week except for one because Stan the man had a beer meeting. So, I’ve been doing kid duty alone and having to lug a 50 pounder who can’t bear weight by myself. We got her a knee scooter to help her at school, so I’m having to get the scooter in and out of the car several times a day plus child and my back is about to give. It hasn’t been the same since my tumble down the stairs at Christmas 18 months ago. Getting her in and out of the baths isn’t helping my back either.
Knee scooter is good but not light.
(for your reference)
So, my back hurts. Plus I’ve had a sinus infection, plus I have a sick family member that I’ve been worried about, plus Stanley still wants to talk about selling the house, plus I’m very worried about another family member who may be in not good shape, (think Jessie in Breaking Bad), plus the ceiling over my bed is leaking and we’ve had tons of rain and I hired someone to go on the roof and check it and he didn’t show up yesterday and I had accidentally thrown away his number and it rained all weekend, plus Merlot has had to sleep downstairs so I’ve slept downstairs with her in case she needed me and the dog kept me up all night for 6/7 of the last week, plus did I mention I went to a party where I was the only single person there and had to look at happy couples with their arms around each other and they looked at me like
“I’m sorry you had a failed marriage.”
Oh, and did I tell you that Al was with his ex and her best friend at a bar tonight celebrating their daughter’s graduation from an ivy league school?
He said she drank too much and I hope she pukes.
So, then I was mad about the bar scene and he was mad that I was mad and he went to bed mad and I came on to blog.
Actually, I feel a whole lot less mad since I trashed it out on a public forum. I might even can sleep. Screw it all.