Kids suffer when their parents divorce.
There is no doubt about that.
There is no real way to protect them, although I certainly tried my best. Stanley and I birdnested from May, of 2011 through May, 2015. That was 4 years of he and I living out of bags and rotating in and out of the marital home while our 3 children slept snug in their beds. They didn’t have to make a significant adjustment in their living situation and they stayed secure in their homes.
During that time and with 3 children, we experienced not one behavior issue or falling grade.
Now, my kids are going back and forth on a weekly basis.
We exchange after school on Fridays, so that they have time to get accustomed to their bed over the weekend before school starts on Sunday. That is smart and I think has helped them sleep. But, we are experiencing the “I left it at Dad’s” phenomenon with chargers, headphones, etc.
Y’all may remember that Stanley gave me some ‘rules’ for the New World Order:
1. Don’t go in my house when we aren’t home. Yes, well, yesterday he offered me a key. Dumb Ass realized he needs me to be able to go in his house sometimes.
2. If a kid is sick during your time, you are the one to take them to the Ped and stay home from work. Umm, that one really pissed me off because he’s NEVER taken them or stayed home from work. So, Merlot was sick last week, his week, and he dropped her off here both days. Al works from home and Merlot crashed and watched Netflix with him keeping an eye on her. Hey, it worked out great, but Stanley, Stanley, Stanley… how quickly you start to suck.
Speaking of Merlot. She is suffering.
Last week she was a wreck. She called home from school every day with a stomach ache. She called me, she called Stanley, we took a soft line and went and got her, then took a hard line and made her stay. She cried, pouted, and yelled. She told me that Daddy said she needed ‘professional help.’
Wait, that is what I do…
Finally, I went and got her at Stanley’s when he was still at work and took her out for a coke.
We had a Come to Jesus meeting at Panera Bread.
Yes, she feels anxious at school but her stomach really does hurt. Yes, she likes being at Daddy’s new house, but it doesn’t feel like her house. Yes, she likes Daddy’s live-in girlfriend, but she isn’t me. Yes, she feels like she is adjusting to Al living with us, she loves him, but he isn’t Daddy.
Then she said, “Why do I have to adjust to this at all? It isn’t fair.”
Her real question was,
“How come you and daddy couldn’t live together and love each other like you promised?”
Well, because we suck, I guess.
So…. I told her that I was sorry, so sorry. That we both loved her and wanted her to live with us all the time but that since we couldn’t live happily with each other, we needed to share her. I cried real tears. We were two tear stained messes in Panera Bread.
I asked her if she wanted me to divorce Al and for Daddy to kick out his GF and for us to get back together. She shook her head no and cried harder.
I told her that the mother of one of her school friends had told me last week that her parents divorced when she was 9 years old and that she had 2 happy homes and that they all were on vacation together in Michigan the week before school started. I told her that 2 Happy Homes is our goal for them.
I told her that if she didn’t go to school and stay at school they were going to put Daddy and I in jail.
She started looking hopeful.
I told her I didn’t look good in orange and could not rock a jumpsuit. In addition, Daddy would never make it in jail. Ever. He would hate the food . He would be someone’s prison bitch by dinner time. (J/k)
She smiled just a little.
I took that as probably as good as it was going to get, packed her up and took her back to Stanley’s. We stopped and bought her some generic Prilosec (Her pediatrician suggested it) along the way. She has been back to school successfully since then but she also has been here with me since Friday.
The older 2 are doing okay. Has anyone else had these issues?