I read a piece this morning on one of my fave blogs.
D. A. Wolf wrote about dating after divorce (at this time in mid-life) and all of the crap that we have by this time (my words not hers) and all of the logistics (her word) there are to consider when thinking about making big commitments in your relationship.
By big commitment, I mean moving in or getting married again.
Of course, this subject is near and dear to my heart
because I am involved with quite possibly
the love of my life and I am soon to be 49 years old.
I’ve never believed in soul mates
and I still might not.
But if there are soul mates
then Al is mine.
He just loves me for no reason.
Seriously, I don’t have to do anything. And he loves me. Now, I am mostly sweet to him. And when I’m not perfectly sweet, I’m still not mean. I’m just distracted. As has been previously determined, I hate this long distance relationship. I spend quite a lot of time fussing at myself for getting into one. I can honestly say I would only do it for this man. This man that slept on the floor beside me when I could only get comfortable on the sofa after my fall. This man that endures a long distance relationship with a woman that hates to talk on the phone. Sometimes he calls me and I don’t answer just because I hate to talk on the phone. When I do answer, he says, “Hooray! I couldn’t wait to hear your voice!” I hang my head in shame.
Do I deserve him?
He loves me anyway.
And I love him. I love how he giggles sometimes.(In a manly way of course)And how me makes me feel.(All soft on the inside)And I hate for him to hurt.
But the logistics of this are hell on earth.
I can’t move. Not for 10 years anyway. I would never move the kids away from Stanley. That would be detrimental to them and is not an option. Al’s children are older but his youngest needs him more than ever. His ex-wife is difficult and his daughter has a difficult relationship with her. Al is the nurturing parent, the one she’s closest to. He can’t move until she goes off to college in another 3 years.
Then there is the question of the money. I hate money. It gets in the way of all of my fun. If he moves here he will need as much income here as he has there. It may be harder for him to find a job here in a smaller city with fewer opportunities.
Plus there will be real estate to unload.
Then there are health issues. I haven’t discussed this here but there are some.
As D. A. asked, “Do we put blinders on or confront them head on?”
This question keeps me up at night.
Well. We are doing some of both.
He wears rose colored glasses (is that the same as blinders?)
and I worry about every little thing (is that confronting them head on?)
There are obstacles everywhere.
Are we stupid to even try?
D.A. Wolf concluded ,
Love Conquers All? Nope, But it Helps
Here’s hoping that it knocks a few obstacles out of the way or makes
us so determined that we press on through them. We are like that We’re Going on a Bear Hunt book.
We can’t go under it, we can’t go over it, we have to go through it.
I hate not knowing what will happen.
Seriously, I hate it. If I have to grieveanother relationship I want to do it now.
Just get it over with.
Al says that there is just as good a chance of something good
happening as there is of something bad happening.
He also says he isn’t going to let anything bad happen.
(What if he’s really God?Dear God, I’ts me Cuckoo Momma…)
I guess every day we just have to see what happens
and hope that it is still worth it.
I going to try to pick up the phone more often.