The Most Unromantic Man in the World!
Stanley never bought me flowers or candy. Not really. Maybe he did send me flowers on my anniversary but never for Valentines Day. Per Stanley, VD is a ‘Hallmark Holiday’ designed to part men with their cash and so he would go out of his way NOT to do anything for me on Valentines Day. You know, it was the principle of the matter. That his ‘principle’ hurt my feelings 12 years in a row was beside the point. I would always buy boxes of candy for the kids and a sweet card for him just to model appropriate behavior. One can always hope that one day something will sink in after all.
Then last year, he was dating someone, I was not, yet still he declined my offer to stay with the kids on Valentines Day so that he could take her out. I determined that somewhere in the city a bank worker was crying her eyes out and realizing that her new boyfriend wasn’t all that after all. He told me that he “hated Valentines Day on principle” like somehow I forgot that little tidbit. Loser.
So, last night Stanley came in to the nest, he was on and I was leaving. JB reminded us of a birthday party invitation she has for Saturday the 23rd. I said, “Oh, that day is terrible for me! I have the school silent auction and will be working all day. I’m on that weekend and Mom will be helping me that day, but we will be sure to get you to the party.” Stanley says, “It is a terrible day for me too, JB, I have a beer event that day.” I said, “Yes, Al is coming in that morning to be with me and help move tables and set up for the auction and then he has to leave the next day.” Stanley, “Well, Bully for him! That is a stupid waste but if that is how he wants to spend his money, then good for you!”
Good for me alright, Ass Clown.
I asked Stanley if he would help us on Auction Day a month ago and he said he was unavailable due to a beer event. Well of course you are what was I even thinking by asking?
So then when Al was here last weekend, I mentioned it and he jumped right on it and bought a ticket. This man is going to be in LA that week on business, flying home on Friday night and arriving back to his East Coast airport at 9:30 p.m., getting up and going back to the airport before dawn to take a 6 a.m. flight the next morning to come here so that he can help me on Auction day. I told him then that I can’t believe he would do that, turn around and catch a flight out merely hours later.
His response to me was,
“You said the magic words.”
“No. I need you.”
Bully for him alright. Especially if you call my private parts “Bully” which hasn’t traditionally been my girl’s pet name but maybe I will adopt it now.
Just Call her ‘Bully’
Because truer words were never spoken.
As a matter of fact,
Bully for him 3 times on Auction day if I can find an empty closet!
This is why Al is welcome in my bed and Stanley was evicted. Because he thinks that putting yourself out to do something for someone else is ‘stupid’. Okay. Good luck with that. His new girlfriend is just going to love him. He’s so helpful. Wink, wink.
Losing him was my gain.
And Bully can’t wait for the Auction!