Stanley and I started birdnesting 3.5 years ago.
It is with great pride that I say it has been awesome for the kids and they have come through this whole divorce situation beautifully. We’ve had no behaviors, no grade issues, and with a few exceptions of Merlot crying when I was leaving her with Stanley (who wouldn’t?) there have been no speed bumps of any sort with them. The biggest adjustment issue at the house has been from the dog.
For us, it works.
We’ve come a long way. Looking back, after researching it on the internet, first I had to convince Stanley, then the mediator, and then the judge. None of them were familiar with the arrangement and I had to promise the judge that day in court that he wouldn’t see us back in his courtroom, angry and unable to co-parent because of our failed non-traditional arrangement.
As great as it is for the kids, it has worn thin with the adults. I am sick of not sleeping in my bed every night but I would do it until Merlot goes off to college if only Stanley would agree; that is how good I think it has been for the children. Since Al and I are getting married, next summer is the prime time to do something different since Stanley has said he doesn’t want to continue. That means that we have to agree on a new arrangement, child support, etc.
I swear to God, I hope I didn’t lie to that judge. I don’t want to have to see him again.
At this time, Stanley and I have 50/50 custody, but I want more time and I think he will agree to more of a 60/40 split. Or maybe not. I know some people with 50/50 custody do one week on and one week off. The Boy would be fine but the girls wouldn’t like that arrangement at all. Also, he has told me that his girlfriend will be involved and they will be buying a place together when he gets his money out of this house. She spends limited time with them and has no kids of her own, cats only. It will be a huge adjustment, not only for the kids, but also for her to have the kids around, sleeping in their house, for days on end at a time.
They are going to have an adjustment with Al here all the time too, but have spent tons more time with him, including 2 week long vacations and several 4 day stretches.
I’m nervous about having to renegotiate custody and child support with Stanley. He thinks that he can do 50/50 because he has been doing 50/50. But, he hasn’t. I do their laundry and school stuff and help them with the homework and projects. I do their extra stuff. I do all of that with them before he comes in on his days (which are really evening only), so he has no idea of the real deal around here. Just last week I was at the pediatrician 3x, which meant 3 trips to the pharmacy. Several of those were on his days, but that shit doesn’t just happen by magic.
He ain’t a damn Leprechaun.
I would really appreciate it if you readers would post your custody arrangement in the comments so I can get some ideas about what some options are.