Sorry, I’m back. I have workers here again and my car in the shop. I’m out of sorts.So where was I? I believe it was the leaving. So, we had a really nice 36 hours and then it was time to head back home. I wanted to be here by the time the kids got back and my flight left early. We were quiet that morning, holding hands and pulling our suitcases. Actually, I think a more accurate statement, is that I was quiet but he was positively chatty. He kept telling me over and over that it would be great and how happy he was to have me back in his life and that we could work with the distance.
I think I just stared a lot.
On the airport shuttle we were holding hands and whispering and I noticed people smiling at us. It was sweet. Actually, that happened several times, I noticed people looking at us and then smiling.
We got to the airport and sat down before heading to separate terminals. Again, I’m staring and he is holding my hand and my face and looking very intently into my eyes saying over and over that “it will be okay” and “I had the best time”.
Looking back, I think it is entirely possible he thought I was going to bolt again. I bolted pretty good 30 years ago.
Then there were kisses and floody eyes and last hugs and we walked away.
That felt so wrong.
WHICH IS AN AWESOME SIGN!!!
I zombie walked through security and he was sending me “I already miss you” texts. I’ve never had one of those from Stanley. Pretty nice actually. I probably looked like a sad cat that swallowed the canary.So, I am super excited but also scared shitless. I don’t believe a word they say, remember? He kept asking me if he had ever lied to me before. No. Also, I have like a ‘wasteland of dead man air’ between my ears (There should really be a google image for that) and I think I spent a a large majority of the time in a state of shock by his emotional availability. He really put it out there and opened his head to me and I didn’t have to ask what he ‘was thinking’ or if he ‘was okay’ one time. I hardly knew how to act.
I still don’t know how to act.
It is like it happened to someone else in a way. I am so not used to be talked to that way or handled with such care and wrapped in adoration. I think I am in shock.
We have had lots of texts and phone calls since we’ve been home. All good. I am almost glad he doesn’t live here because I don’t think I am quite ready for a full on boyfriend, and I know my kids aren’t. Also, he brings something out in me that isn’t quite normal. I think it is just relaxation and peace but it makes me want to lie around like a cat and nap. I have way to much to do to be like that all the time.
Thanks for your support, we’ll see where it goes. He is Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm though. My own 50 Shades of Gray Hair. Lovely. Plus he has these beautiful pouty lips. Mmmmmmm.