How will I know if he is thinking of me?
Whitney Houston once asked, “How Will I Know If He Really Loves Me?” And that is a legitimate question. How DO you know if he really loves you?
Some might tell you that you feel butterflies, a sense of excitement when he walks into the room. Others tell you he isn’t afraid to brag about you, while others may believe that kissing you on the forehead is a sign of love.
All could be true for some but not necessarily so.
Any woman who has lived with a narcissist or a manipulative man will tell you that these things are not true signs of love. Love is more than just a kiss here or a loving caress there. Love is a tolerance. Love is an action. Love is respect. Love is genuine.
Here are six behaviors that tell you he really does love you.
He encourages you to be you.
Anyone who has actual love and admiration for you will not try to change you to meet their narrative. When you are with the right person, the person who aligns with you, they are not worried about changing you, rather they are interested in the person you will continually evolve into. They want to be a part of that and they know they are not the only influence when it comes you being you.
He listens to you when you speak.
Any guy that is consistent about interrupting you, talking over you or cutting you off versus listening to you is not interested in you. They are more likely threatened by you and are exerting their false sense of superiority over you. Even if you are a “chatty-Kathy” there is no need to shut you down because he is bored. If he can handle you rambling then he is worth your investment; just try to ramble to a point.
He cares about your interests.
The guy who loves you will show support for your interest and passion. He will offer you praise when you get involved and make a difference in the lives of others because he understands your interests are factors in who you are. He also gets that your interests will change and he is fine with that. If it gives you a reason to be happy he will support it. Don’t be fooled, though! Just because your loving man supports you doesn’t mean he follows you, watches you or is even your biggest fan. The man with a genuine love for you will be perfectly okay not being your biggest fan but will be your biggest supporter.
He gives you space.
We all need space and if you don’t recognize that in his interactions with you don’t get involved in a relationship. Spending every moment of every day with the same person day in and day out is asking for a “blah” kind of relationship and is a key component to installing your sense of self. Personal space is necessary to be alone with our thoughts and reflections on how our lives are proceeding. We need to be able to have those moments to get in touch with our inner selves, our friends, family and anyone else that brings out the genuine pure side of us.
He provides for you.
He is a gentleman and understands what it means to take care of a lady without insinuating you are incapable. He won’t ask to order your dinner without your permission. He will extend an arm to open the door or pull out a chair. He will offer to drop you off and walk you to your door. He will offer to get you a cup of coffee, pour you a glass of wine or even make you dinner and he does so with the right attitude. It is not about controlling you and making decisions for you it is about asking you what you would like and delivering to you because he sees how hard you work as a single mom and he recognizes you deserve to be pampered, too.
He doesn’t rush things.
The man who loves you and understands healthy love, will not rush you into any decision, pressure you into his desires or steam roll you to get his way. He will show patience for you and your timeline even if it is an inconvenience to him. In his mind, you are worth it and he honestly believes you would do it for him, though he would never ask you.
Love is more than just an emotion. It is a healthy attachment to someone who provides you with an opportunity to be you. They embrace you both physically and emotionally. Love is about boundaries and respecting those boundaries. Love is about tolerance. Love is about patience. Love is more than simply telling someone you love them or hearing it from another. It is a connection that is natural and peaceful.
It is easy to believe those butterflies are indicative that you have hit the love jackpot but what happens to those butterflies when the “honeymoon phase” ends? Are you at peace or do you feel lost and need to know what happened?
Most importantly, know you are deserving of love. You deserve the kind of guy that will give you the healthy love and attention that encourage you to be you. I think it was stated best by so many before – a healthy relationship is like a friendship on fire.
You deserve it.