Jumping back into the dating pool is definitely harder after a divorce, but it shouldn’t be. We are older, wiser, more experienced and have more common sense.
That may very well be true, but somehow, dating brings out our insecurities and suddenly, we don’t behave like our normal selves. So, guys how can you put your best self forward to get a second or 3rd date?
First, let me start off saying that there are some things that I should not have to tell you. You should know by now to shower and make an effort to look nice. Don’t wear socks with sandals or wrinkled clothes that look like you slept in them. ZZ Top was on the money when they said, “Every girl’s crazy about a sharp dressed man!” We don’t want you to try too hard, but women do prefer men who smell nice, or at least clean. The list below may be reminders for some of you, or news to others, but keep these ideas in mind when planning a first date.
1. Take Ownership Over the Date: If you ask us out, please have an idea or two what you’d like to do. Have a back-up plan. Taking time to plan shows us that you’re interested. We like knowing that you thought of us during the week and it makes a difference that we can feel.
- Choose an activity with your date in mind, not all women are alike and all dates are not created equally. Stay within the parameters that will make your date happy. Consider her when planning. Is she outdoorsy? What types of food does she like? What is her favorite restaurant? Is she adventurous? It’s not all about the activity… but being able to talk, laugh and get to know each other as well.
- Communicate and confirm the plans ahead of time. Why is this important? You need to remember that as women, we agonize over what to wear regardless of where we go. (Haven’t you seen a woman change clothes three times to go to work with people we know and see every day?) We want to dress appropriately AND cute enough for the occasion. If we are going to a baseball game, you need to tell us! We will not be happy if we feel like we are over-dressed or under-dressed. As first dates go, we will feel sexier and flirtier if we are happy, comfortable, and confident in our appearance.
2. Be a gentleman: In today’s world, that term seems a little antiquated, but it’s not. Argue though you might, but women WANT to know you are a gentleman. Being a gentleman and an alpha-male are not contradictory. Women will think you are wonderful, confident, and respectful and not just focused on her boobs or butt. If you don’t really know how to be a gentleman, I found a nice summarized list for you. Here are a few highlights:
A Gentleman Always…
- Holds Doors Open and Opens Her Car Door
- Watches His Mouth and Isn’t Vulgar
- Keeps From Staring Below Her Chin
- Offers to Pay
- Makes the First Move
3. Be attentive: This means a few things: First, it means, “listen more than talk.” It also means, “Be involved in the conversation”. Ask questions to show you are listening and interested in what we are saying. Lastly, it also means, “be engaging” and allow us to ask questions as well! Remember, it’s our first date too and we want to know more about you! You don’t have to tell us everything, or go into painful detail, but we will be listening to and analyzing what you tell and how you tell it! If you blow off our questions or answer with anger over your ex, we will notice!
4. Be Yourself: Let your fun and funny side come through. Don’t be too serious or structured. It’s ok to be a little flirty. Make us laugh! There is a sense of intimacy when jokes are shared. Don’t be afraid to lighten up a little. Sing, dance, play table games, or share funny stories. At the end of the night, we want to remember laughing and smiling. If the evening is too low key, too serious, or too non-descript, you may get “friend listed.”
5. Be Courteous To Those Around Us: I am a sucker for charm! I will remember if you are nice to our server, a valet, or to other people we come in contact with while we are out together. How you treat me while we are out is important, but that can be easily get wiped out if you are a jerk to others. Women on a first date are extra alert – as if on an HD level! We will notice everything.
Following the list of Do’s is important, but here is a short list of “Don’ts” to keep in mind too!
- Tell us that we are or, are not your “normal type.” We would like to be considered as individuals-regardless of our physical appearance.
- Don’t make sexual comments or references. Women generally want sex too, but they don’t only want sex. If you are only meeting us for the purpose of getting laid, you probably should let us know. Don’t let us think we are on a real date… our expectations would be entirely different.
- Don’t be on your phone if it can be avoided. (kid and business emergencies are forgiven)
- Don’t become intoxicated on our first date or show up under the influence. Need I say more?
Have more suggestions for Do’s and Don’ts? This totally wasn’t meant to be inclusive of everything. If you have a funny story to share or additional items that definitely make your list, please leave me a comment.