Around this time four years ago, I was having a champagne toast with my girlfriends. We were toasting new beginnings – the official end of my divorce (divorce decree in hand) and the start of my new journey. My divorce process took a year, and what a LONG year it was! Then there was the next phase which took another seven months (a relocation trial so my son and I could move a few hours away). After a short visit to court with the judge and my wasband, I was officially divorced.
My friends wanted to celebrate. I wanted to celebrate. I felt closure and peace. But at the same time, I was also so scared, wondering where it all went wrong and how I could move on. I never dreamed I would be one of those statistics. This was not the life I had planned when I said I do all of those years ago. How did this happen? How could my ex-friend and wasband ride off into the sunset, leaving me confused, angry and alone. I could sit there, feel sorry for myself and continue to ask questions that had no answers, or I could reinvent myself and create a new life – one that I may have never envisioned, but one that could be awesome if I would just let it. On that day, as my friends raised their glasses to toast new beginnings, I knew, deep inside, that I had to let go, face my own fears and insecurity and move on. It was time to find my happy.
I re-read what I wrote on this day four years ago.
I think I’ve worked through a lot of this over the last year. I know there will still be hard days and firsts, primarily as it relates to my son and that new normal – but as for the rest of it, just glad to finally have some closure. Don’t get me wrong, I know there will still be hard times, and frustrations, particularly as it relates to co-parenting my son, but that too, with time will get easier I hope.
Again, I think the hardest part throughout this entire process has always been my lack of control or maybe it’s just a different set of values – I can’t control my wasband, nor his choices – particularly as it relates to my son. I’m not bitter. I was angry for months – but I’m not angry anymore – I can’t be – for my own sanity and so that I can truly heal and move forward and live the life I am meant to live.
I’ve forgiven my wasband and hope that someday he does wake up for my son’s sake – but that’s on him – and I am no longer his wife, nor his mother, so it’s up to him at this point to step up.
It’s been a long haul to get to this point – with many tears, heartache, betrayals and so many raw emotions. And me trying to get this all done and settled with many setbacks along the way. I truly feel I’m now at peace. I am proud of how I’ve handled myself and this situation over the last year and know that someday, my son will understand all of that.
I am so excited about the next chapter and what it holds for me and my son.
Four years later, I am still looking forward, living life and making every day count. There is no looking back. Along the way, I’ve made some mistakes, but I’ve also done the best that I could. I learned who I truly was in this process, and who others were too. I also learned that no matter how much pain I was in, the world kept on moving. I could either be a part of it, or be stuck in my past. Click to Tweet.
I chose to be present and to live fully.
I am now happily remarried with an amazing blended family. We have our challenges, like any family. And I still have the frustrations that go along with being a divorced mom with a child, but in the end, I am right where I’m supposed to be. It took a while to get here, but I have found my happy.
I just had to be willing to let go of the past and open the door to happiness once again. Click to Tweet.
How have you found happiness after divorce?
- Divorce Knocked Me On My Ass… Five Reasons I Had To Get Over It
- I’m Done With Letting My Divorce Ruin My Life. How To Move On
- 10 Ways Divorce Helped Me Grow
- I Have a Secret Life, You Need One Too!