So the saying goes that when you see the wedding dress for you – you know it. I would agree wholeheartedly – not just with the dress, but with most things in life. I was four when I chose my profession; when I was 21, I promptly decided that I was meant to do something else. When I met my current ex-husband, I knew I would marry him in about three minutes, and when he walked in the door and couldn’t meet my eyes, I knew I wanted the divorce.
Divorce stole some of this confidence from me, but no longer. I again know exactly what I want.
I have a job that never seems like work. This is what I would like to discover in a partner. Falling in love is easy; maintaining the romance and intensity takes work. But, maybe, just maybe, there’s a partner who fools you into thinking you are unemployed. Just kidding. I believe you get out what you put in. This equanimity feels good.
I think honesty is necessary, as is respect. I am independent, but I certainly agree with a quote from Brad Pitt in a strange but thoughtful movie Meet Joe Black: “What’s wrong with taking care of a woman? She takes care of you.” I am afraid that my father who once told me, “You don’t marry the person you can live with; you marry the person you cannot live without,” has left a rather romantic lasting impression on me.
I don’t do anything in life without passion, and I believe Thoreau gives perfect advice for how to live: “deliberately.” I want someone who shares my desire to live purposely.
I have learned that love is defined many different ways with varying degrees of complexity. The way we learn about something is so often by example. Showing, not telling.
I want the kind of passion and love that Robin Williams describes: “You’ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn’t know what it’s like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn’t know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms ‘visiting hours’ don’t apply to you. You don’t know about real loss, ’cause it only occurs when you’ve loved something more than you love yourself.” (Good Will Hunting).
The one constant that I have observed from many wise sages: real love means loving someone more than yourself. (Randy Pausch says he didn’t get married until he met someone he loved more than himself.) I don’t want to settle for anything else.
I should say that I am not naïve enough to believe that love looks like it does in the movies. However, I do think that we know when we have met someone special. We know that no matter how bad our day was, how little we accomplished, or how small we felt, it didn’t matter because we had someone so awesome that life’s little inadequacies simply didn’t register.
I have been told that I want too much or that I am too picky. I would think that whoever shares your heart should never feel as if you settled. I have a full life with three amazing sons, a beautiful home, and a career I believe in. I don’t need someone; I want someone.
So what do I want? I want to feel this: “There’s this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It’s the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.” (Gretchen Kemp).
More from DivorcedMoms: