Stop looking for love in the wrong places.
Relationships. If you’re anything like me you have probably wondered, on more than one occasion if they are really worth the effort and the pain. And you have probably had at least one relationship – romantic or otherwise – which has had you feeling drained and depleted, and left you questioning your morals, worth and even sanity as you find yourself continually walked on or trampled over, solely for the other person’s gain.
You have lost power in your relationship.
Maybe this is something you’re struggling with now. A partner who continually lets you down, showing zero regards for your feelings and needs. An ex-partner who continually crashes through the boundaries you’ve worked so hard at constructing. A ‘friend’ who cannot take NO for an answer.
Or, maybe this person is no longer in your life, but you know with a passion that you do not EVER want to feel this way again. You want to feel that YOU are in the driver’s seat of your life and that YOU alone have control over your present and future, over whether you say YES or NO.
If you can relate, there are things you can do to help the situation.
The below tips have helped me enormously and I hope they now help you to reclaim POWER in your relationships. Power that is rightfully yours:
Look within for validation
We give our power away when we look externally for love and validation. We feel that we’re not worthy of finding answers and making decisions and living a life that is authentic to us and our values. We may not even know what our values are.
When we can stop this external search for validation and security, we begin to see that we already have everything we need within us. A good way for us to connect with ourselves and our inner power is to identify any outdated and limiting beliefs and fears. Maybe as a child, you were taught that it was not acceptable to assert your needs; that your views held no meaning or relevance.
Maybe you have a history of bad romantic relationships in which your partners were the domineering forces in the equation, so over time, you found it easier to keep quiet and let them call all the shots.
Well, these beliefs are no longer serving you. It is time to cut them loose – identify them, acknowledge them, and let them go. They are no longer you. So, stop looking for your partner to boost your self-esteem and worth. Stop questioning yourself and looking outside for answers and validation. Stop looking for love in the wrong places. Just STOP.
Stop, breathe, and allow your validation to come to you from a place of love… from you.
SHOW people how to treat you
Sometimes, we find ourselves in ‘victim’ mode and believe that EVERYONE is treating us unfairly. Again, the partner who continually lets you down. The ex-partner crashing through our carefully constructed boundaries. The ‘friend’ who can’t take NO for an answer.
But here is the thing. These people behave in this way towards us because, on some level at least, we are allowing that behavior. If we present ourselves as self-doubting and dependent individuals with zero respect for ourselves, we will attract the very behavior we are trying to avoid. People will probably only treat us with consideration and respect if it is clear that this is the way in which we treat ourselves.
So, set boundaries and stick to them. Example – you will only discuss matters of your children with your difficult ex via email, and only once per week; you will only participate in a difficult conversation with your partner if they agree to remain respectful to you throughout.
Speak up, do what you mean, mean what you say, don’t go back on your word, and ALWAYS trust your instincts.
Again, this comes down to knowing your worth. If you are in a relationship that is simply not working for you – don’t be afraid to walk away. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that you can do no better, or that the relationship is all that you are worth. Doing so is just giving your power away.
If the troublesome relationship is with an ex-partner or family member – get those boundaries in place. Don’t be afraid to go no-contact in order to protect yourself and your power. Stand up for yourself. Have and show respect for yourself. Love yourself.
How you view and treat yourself will reflect outwards BIG time. So, show the world that you are a gorgeous, independent and self-sufficient woman… then watch as the world around you transforms.