Have you ever started a job, a much-needed job, but even in the first week you know it was not a right fit?
I have, twice. Desperation makes one do weird things. The first desperation job was in a call center doing IT work. Working in a call center was my introduction to corporate America. Once I moved on, I said I would never do again.
Fast forward to the first time I was laid off, in desperation, I took a 24-7 call center job. Seriously! Why? But I was young and needed the money. Thankfully, the training was five weeks long and literally at the start of the fifth week, the company that laid me off called me back. I went back running.
I never had to do an overnight shift in a call center, but I knew it was not something I wanted to do and I took the job because I needed a job, any job.
I am now older and wiser, been laid off more times and I know what I want in a career. At my new job, the pay is SWEET, but the level of interest in the actual work is lacking. This is only my fourth week.
I knew within the first week that I am not a good fit for this group. With age, I have certain criteria I want in employment. Since I am not independently wealthy, I gotta work. But that does not mean I cannot enjoy what I do to get paid. So I have started applying for jobs again, shush don’t tell anyone.
Then to top off my general uneasy feeling, the company I am contracted with announced reorganization and stated they will be offering a severance package to those interested. It was amusing to me watching the full-time employees fuel the speculation fires the last few days. Not because people may lose their jobs, but because I know that feeling and I have only been there four weeks. Seriously!!
I took it as confirmation that nope, not the place for me. But I will do my job, which is still mainly, learn my job, smile and be pleasant. I will not plaster the information that I am looking for other employment. Ummm, I am getting a paycheck, which I do enjoy.
So how does this correlate to my personal life? I am learning what I need and want in a relationship, just as I already know what I need and want in my career/employment. There is a lot of self reflection and learning self-awarneess going on with me.
Infidelity was the announcement of a layoff (well the lack of emotional intimacy is the actual announcement) and the divorce was my pink slip in my marriage. So the last two years I have been processing those feelings and figuring out what I want in a partner, recognizing areas that I needed improvement and maturity and taking the necessary steps to be a better version of myself.
I am not there, but my goodness I am so glad I am no longer the angry woman I was six months ago. Thank goodness I have found my self-worth again. The trauma of infidelity really threw my view of myself out of whack. I was lost and overwhelmed with pain.
I have no idea what the future holds, but I know it does not include me working at a job that I do not enjoy. I have learned to move on before the roots get deep. I do know there is something out there for me that will give me enjoyment, fulfillment and a nice paycheck. Just as I know a Ryan Gosling…
look alike will have all that I am desiring in a relationship. Nope that was not sexist at all. I wonder who has men on the brain? What job? What future lay off?