How sturdy is your divorce support system?
Who do you talk to regarding your divorce challenges? Your family loves you and means well but each member has their own thoughts and opinions about what you are or should be doing. If they are positive and supportive, then you are in good shape. However, if the people you turn to for love and support bring you more angst, you need to ask yourself, “how well is this serving me?”
Think about the people you want in your life. Who makes you feel better, who focuses on the positive, healthier perspectives when you talk? Who seems to focus on the negative and leaves you feeling worse than when you picked up the phone. If you are left defending yourself or worse yet, your soon-to-be ex, perhaps the person you are speaking to is not serving your needs. You may love your friends and family, but if they are not helping to move you in a positive direction, take them off of your call list for when you need support or a healthy sounding board.
So how can you know the difference between a sturdy and rickety support structure?
If the conversation is more about your spouse and the details of the ‘story’, rather than about how the situation is affecting you, that’s a red flag. If it’s about blaming or criticizing your partner instead of about how you are coping, then you are not getting the support you need. No matter what is going on, you are best served by those who will help you focus on YOU. The focus should always be on how can you do things differently to take care of yourself. A good question is what is your part in the problem and how can you work to change yourself…not for the spouse, but for your own growth. How can you shift your thinking to feel better, be better, get stronger and move forward?
If you don’t have any friends or family who do this for you, you need to find a new support group. There are divorce support groups in your area. If your spouse has issues of drug use, alcoholism or abuse, there are 12 step programs for the loved ones of such people where you are bound to find healthy support and encouragement. Divorce coaching also enables you to partner with someone who supports and validates you while helping you to shift your thinking and move forward in a positive direction. If you need more help with navigating your divorce with a customized plan, look into our Divorce Recovery Program which provides strategies that will enable you to collaborate more effectively and move forward with more ease. Or, if you prefer a more hands-off sense of assistance in order to move from chaos to a clear, calm, confident approach to divorce, check out our 12 Step Divorce Recovery Podcast Program. Step 8, our newest step, is now available entitled Antidote to Feeling Powerless During Divorce.
If you are blessed with a healthy support network or challenged with an unhealthy one, please share your thoughts with us, we would love to hear from you today.
[Our team of coaches at JBD is passionate about helping men and women navigate the emotional difficulties of relationships, breakups, and divorce. We work together with you to open the possibility that your current relationship challenges can lead to a rewarding voyage of self-discovery and an immensely more pleasing life experience. Together we create a path to clarity. Find out if Coaching is right for you, and accept my gift of one FREE session.]